Friday Flotsam

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffrome on doooooown! (<–can’t believe it took me that long.)

Who is Allen?

And – who is this Phillip?

And more critically, what makes them think they just go around naming wrenches and screwdrivers? Are they buddies? Because if you name a tool after yourself, you’re definitely not “friends,” you’re “buddies”.

Do you think Allen and Phillip were together when they decided this? I can only imagine alcohol was involved. Because why on earth would one want a WRENCH named after themselves?

There they are, slosh drunk at the bar in their best flannel on two wobbly stools and damp carpet that smells like regret: “No man, you’re th ea we recnth. I’M the sc rewe drivadr.” “Nooo I won’t don wabnna be the sc *hiccup* ew river. Y ou be tha t!”

I’m convinced of this.

And yes, these are the things I think about at night and all the time.

Okay, be honest:

Actually, let’s take a poll.

POOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLAH!:::::

You know the little white plastic sifter fitment (obviously looked that up) on spice jars: do you throw those away? Or do you keep them and actually use them? Look, there’s no judgement. You’re safe here.

(. . . I violently throw them in a lake.)

Question!

Two questions.

This is mainly for my local followers, but I’m putting it here anyway.

First of all, for the broader audience, who would install a pot filler? Would that be a plumber? Or someone beyond plumbing? Because it’s water, and a tube, and some drilling into subway tile. Or would it be someone else all together? It’s obviously nothing major, but I’m still perplexed. (shocking, I know)

Now that we got that out of the way, KC – who here has a good plumber/or-whoever-does-that recommendation for said pot filler installment?

(You’re like, what is a pot filler?)

Oh, guess what! THE VIVA IS BACK.

I found the good kind again. And I stood and sobbed in the grocery store aisle, while leaning into the bulk package with my arms wrapped around 13 of them. You think I’m kidding.

It’s their SIGNATURE cloth. Not that garbage can multi-purpose cloth with the bumps and ridges. No. Get that ish out and away forever. We need the CLOTH. Sturdy and smooth and doesn’t break and tear when you’re ripping off a sheet.

It’s back. It is back.

That’s all and yes I need friends.

Weekend plans?

I’ve got a hideously trashed pantry to re-org. You know I do this every six months. And it is bawd. I can’t even think about this now, I’ll go crazy if I do. I’ll think about it tomorrow. (<–name that movie.)

Other than that, a book to finish, a book to start, a basement to pick up, a run to run, my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped! (<–name that movie.)

From this week, in case ya missed it! CURRIED Egg Salad Croissant Sandwiches. This weekend, make it. And Angel Hair with Bacon, Leeks and Mushrooms! Elegant, but beyond simple. Get it in your life before I scream.

What are you making for dinner tonight and are you inviting Allen and Phillip?