Friday Flotsam

FAAAAALFALRALRALDALDAL day.

Dude I had the worst dream just now. Just right now before I woke up this morning. Like an hour ago. Worst dream.

It was one of those anxiety dreams, you know, like when you’re on campus but you have no idea where your classroom is, or when the test is, or where your books are, or what time it is. That kind. Except it was in an airport. And what happened was, I forgot to look at my boarding pass to see what airline I was flying with. And when I got to the terminal that I thought was Delta, and looked at the boarding pass, it said American Airlines. And American Airlines WAS NOT at that terminal. And oh! The airport was a zoo. A literal zoo. And there were giraffes and hippos roaming around in these fields between the terminals, and I somehow managed to find this Falkor-looking creature to luck dragon boom me over to the right terminal. But by THAT TIME I’d lost a bag. I only had two bags on me, when I originally had three bags. Panic sets in.

I GET TO THE TERMINAL and go through security and guys, I’m pushing it on time. The boarding pass said that boarding was already occurring, but I was still 10 minutes away from the gate. And I’m totally sweating and freaking my life out.

I get to the gate and I MISSED THE PLANE BY TWO MINUTES.

TWO MINUTES.

One bag missing, and a flight missed.

And then the super nice desk lady who looked remarkably like Michelle Obama was all, “I can get you on another flight to Kansas City that leaves in 30 minutes, just two gates away.” So of course I’m all, “YES, GIRL and I still haven’t read Becoming but it’s on my to-do list, swear!”

And she goes, “What?” And I said, “Never mind.”

And then, “Wait, what’s the fee to change flights?” And fake Michelle Obama said, “It’s actually only a 1/3rd of the originally cost. So, let’s see . . . $525.”

FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS, FAKE MICHELLE? That is complete BULL HONKY. And to get home when?” And fake Michelle said, “9pm tonight.” Guys it was 12:20pm.

And I started crying. And then my phone alarm went off.

The end.

The moral of the story: don’t trust zoo airports.

POLLLLLLLL!! (<–it’s been a while, keep your face on.)

There have a been a few requests to take BEV BOOKS (my imaginary book club) to the next level. Right now what happens is, I read a book (pretty fast, about a week-ish per book), post the recaps to Stories, and save them as highlights. That way as you read, you can go watch the recaps at your leisure and message me and we talk about it. It’s all super behind the scenes. But still public. But not in your face. Know what I mean, Vern?

SO, my poll is: would you be interested in seeing more HERE? On the BLOG. Book related?

What was suggested is that I post my thoughts along with a photo of the book cover, and we discuss in the comments. Is that something you’d like? And maybe it could be a once-a-month operation. Super chill. Therefore I’d be discussing multiple books, but you could always come back and comment whenever you feel like. Breezy. You’re breezy! (“You can’t SAY you’re breezy, that negates the breezy!”)

Let me know if that’s something you’d like, and I can start in May if you’re serious. ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS? Just kidding, I’m totally relaxed right now. I’m breezy.

So, I’m running a race this weekend! (on purpose, yes, ASHLEE.)

I’ve not run a race in . . . over five years. Maybe seven years. I forgot how it goes! It’s the Trolley Trail race here in KC, a suuuuper chill race. Four miles, mostly downhill. Hello, done.

But like, can you run with your phone? Is that allowed? Last time I didn’t because I was running with family. But this time it’s just me. And I’m trying to remember if I noticed anyone running with headphones and their phones. Is that a thing, runners?! I’m thinking I might want to. Maybe.

Also, I discovered that Radiohead’s There There makes me run faaaaast. Nat’s like, “MOM ARE YOU GOING TO WIN THE RACE?” And I laughed until I cramped.

No. No I will not.

. . . can I bring my phone?

Last night I co-hosted this event out at Rocktops KC (which by the way, if you ever need marble or stone or stylish (not busy) granite countertops, go.to.them.) on how to build a charcuterie board under $100! And I honestly hadn’t really planned on sharing the tips here. But then decided, WHY THE HAY NOT.

My whole approach last night (and any time I put together these boards) is – mess meets aesthetic. I realized as I was talking to people that – many know WHAT it is, but not HOW to get there. So this is what I do, pigeons.

I start in, and move out. Four cheeses, sort of zig-zagged down the middle of the board. Then I move to meats. Four of ’em, nestled up next to the cheeses. Theeeeen I move to almonds and olives. Smaller, rounder. The almonds I like to spill out away from towards to the edge of the board (I call it “the spill out.” I like “the spill out.”), and the olives go in a small bowl, opposite the almonds. Then at this point I’ll tuck in some dried fruit, and a few sweeter things, like a fig butter, honey (not pictured because I’m a dingbat and forgot!), and maybe a nice grainy mustard. Tuck ’em in. Then layer some crackers and soft breads up through the cheeses and meats, just where they’ll fit. THEEEEN the chocolates and maybe some grapes go around the edges.

BUT THIS IS THE TRICK. Any holes you see, or open edges that bother you, go get some tree or shrub clippings from your neighbor’s yard and tuck ’em in! Got a dog wood blooming? Clip clip, tuck tuck. And if they spill over the board, even better. It’s rustic and natural. YA DAMN HIPPIE.

My thing on boards like this color and texture. Softs and hards. Muted accents and greenery. Savory and sweets. Let it all bounce off each other, keeping in mind to place lighter colors next to contrasting greens, and textures that compliment each other. (I totally feel like Conan’s producer Jordan Schlansky right now, and that episode where they go to Italy together and Conan wants to punch him in the face the entire time. “NOTICE THE AIR QUALITY, AND THE TEXTURE OF THE SUN RAYS.” Ugh.)

I could have tucked in a few more greens last night but I was a wee nervous and talking too fast. So. You know.

You can punch me in the face.

Weekend plans?

I’m running a rac!- oh right I already told you.

Totally getting my window boxes decked out tomorrow. And the farmer’s market. And the kids’ soccer game. And some deviled eggs BECAUSE WHY NOT. (And oh! Just started The Wife Between Us, if y’awnna join.)

Tell me what you’re having for dinner. Bye bye.