Friday Flotsam

F          ursday. I mean!… F           onday. I mean!….F      aturday. I mean!…..FRIDAY.

You guys I just took a sip of coffee and then right after a sip of beet juice and MY TONGUE IS LIVID WITH ME.

Why would I do that? One can have their coffee and have their beet juice, but not side by side! Never side by side. Horrible decision.

And I keep trying to drink more coffee to mask the angry flared-up taste buds in raging protest on my tongue, but it’s not helping. They know what I did. The damage is done.

Especially the buds in the back. You know the buds in the back? The ones that are baaarely starting to turn a pale pink, almost white. Doesn’t the white color mean disease? Malnutrition? Botulism?

They’re not WHITE white, just pale. Right where the tongue starts to waterfall back into your throat.

Don’t you ever wonder what the END of your tongue looks like? Or rather, the beginning? What does it look like way back there? You can move your tongue around back there, sort of, and almost feel it, but what does the very end look like? How does it join up with your throat? Tell me where the tongue ends, SHEL SILVERSTEIN.

This took an odd turn.

Well, chances are you’ve already heard the news, or watched the video, but just in CASE you only stay in touch with me on this website, and not Instagrams or Facebooks, I’ve got the.most.exciting news of my career. I have a show with the Food Network! (!!!)

(!!!!!!!)

(!!!!!!!!!!)

(!)

It’s called Mom Wins, and it’s a four-part digital series that will live on the Food Network’s website, and You Tube. We’ll be releasing and sharing a new episode each Tuesday (that’s our first episode!^^), so if you like what you see, I’d be tickled PANK if you subscribed and shared it! The more you like and subscribe, the more we get to film. And that would be rad.

I’d also like to thaaaaank you all so much for the INSANE outpour of support and excitement you’ve shown me this week. I’m floored at the flood of sweet words and messages and texts (oh my), and beyond flattered that you’re all so pumped for this. (sorry I said pumped.)

So thank you! Thank you thank you thank you. It’s honestly because of YOUR LOYALTY to my ridiculousness and this silly website that we’re able to make these videos for you. I still can’t wrap my head around that.

But I love you. And I thank you.

Can I kiss you?

You’re like, TOO FAR, SIS. TOO FAR.

What’s the appropriate amount of time for a three-and-a-half year old to be in timeout?

One hour?

Two hours?

Two and a half hours?

Guys I’m kidding!

…So like, a little over two hours?

We need to talk about Lulu Lemon. Or is it just Lululemon, one word? Llululullelleleulemon.

Either way, I need you to be straight with me – IS IT ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE?

Errrrrrbody talks about this brand like it’s the be all end all to workout gear. And I’m like, IT HAS THE WORD LULU IN THE NAME. Why would they do that? Can you imagine them all sitting around a huge round table with iced coffees at the meeting to decide the name of the company, “You guys I’ve got it. Let’s have the word LULU in the name. It sounds like a pretentious kitten made of unicorn feathers. People with love it!”

I’m sure it’s great, whatever.

Do you love it? Do I need to be on this luleeelmeomeoemlemon bandwagon? Or is there another worthy-of-mentioning workout clothing company that doesn’t sound like a baby nursery?

YOU KNOW YOU’RE NODDING.

Weekend plans?

I have 18,724 food shoots today, but once that’s done – HALLELUJAH it’s rosé in the face party time.

And by that I mean me on the sofa.

I used to say couch until my longtime girlfriend snapped at me, “You are classy, you say sofa! What is this, COLLEGE?”

Sometimes I still say couch in my head out of rebellion. Then pop a 40.

SPEAKING OF, I still haven’t had a rosé 40! That’s it.

Weekend mission: A ROSÉ 40.

I desperately need friends.