FREEDEEDOO. FRIIDIIDII. FRODOTEAUX. FROTODEAUX. (name that movie. sort of.)
I have the craziest story for you.
This happened to me seriously a year ago, and I’m just now getting around to telling you. (you’re like, WHY START NOW.)
I’m mainly telling you because I want to know how YOU would have handled this. Because I felt like I was on a hidden camera show. With like, my bra hanging out. And we need to rehash it today so I can feel better about my life.
I was shopping for ingredients last October for a client holiday shoot. Specifically, peppermint sticks. I was meandering down the candy aisle at a large grocery chain, “Peppermint sticks…peppermint sticks…peppermint sticks….hmm, I’ll ask this nice aisle man where I can find them.”
Me, “Excuse me, sir – I’m looking for some basic peppermint sticks, like maybe 3-5 inches long, skinny, either straight or with the cane hook at the end. Anything works. Where could I find those? By the way the blue in your shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.” (<-just kidding on that last part.)
Him, all snooty mctooty, “Peppermint sticks? Isn’t that more of a Christmas thing?”
Me, “Right? I’m trying to find them for a holiday photo shoot.”
Him, with his face all scrunched up, clearly annoyed at me, “Uhhhh I’m sorry. But this is AMERICA. RETAIL. Wrong month!”
Me, in shock, “…Well you don’t have to say it like that.”
Him, a tad softer, “I’m sorry. I’m having a really bad day. (and then back to being a total d-prick in the same breath.) But you’re not going to find them until after Thanksgiving. So GOOD LUCK.” Massive eye roll at the end.
Me, mentally breaking down, “Um. Wow. Okay.” Legit trembling, I pushed my cart away from him and that haunted aisle, my jaw on my shoes and my eyes filling up with tears. ACTUAL SALT WATER.
Did that just happen!? What just happened? Why did I freeze up!
I finished my shopping in an emotionally-damaged fog, reliving those last moments in my head over and over and over. Why didn’t I say anything! Just stood there. Walked away. A blubbering boo boo head. But! I did go home and call the store management and report his face. So THERE, blue shirt aisle man.
What would you have done?! Let’s brainstorm something I SHOULD have said that day. I’ll show him. He’s going to be sorry he said anything a year later. I’ll go back today and find him and let him have it!
Not really because I’m a sissy.
POLL:
In a public restroom, do you prefer the automatic hand dryer? Or the paper towels? You know you fall into one camp or another.
Let’s get even more specific: if the automatic is one of those where you push the button, do you push it? Or would you rather wave your hand under the slot where the paper comes out? Or do you push it with your elbow, and then wave for the towel to open to the door?
Or if it’s one of those where you stick your hands down in that skinny chamber thing and it hyper-dries you, do you prefer that over the button? Or still the paper? Or no paper at all?
Or if it’s one of those where you have to crank the side gear to get the paper towels to come out, would you prefer that over either of the automatic options, just to have a paper towel to open the door with?
Or do you just want a taco?
I can’t say the words whirlwind, Marlboro, and chipmunk.
Well, I can SAY them, but I botch them every single time. For some reason my brain makes my mouth say world winn, Marbalow, and chickmunk. I’m sort of lysdexic in that way.
Do you have this problem with any words? Orrrr whatever, smarty pants, I guess you can just say ALL THE WORDS PERFECTLY?
Overrated.
(I’m not mad at you, though.)
Guess what I’m finally doing tomorroooooooooooowwwwwwaaaaaaaa.
I’m hosting a rosé tasting party! IAMSOEXCITED. My local Gaggle and I will be blind tasting like, eight or nine different rosés, all different price points, ranging on levels of fruit, dry, yadda yadda. We’ll be voting, rating, pairing with cheeses, drinking, eating, drinking, tasting, drinking and snapping.
You know.
Aaaand I’m going to share all of our radical rosé discoveries with you next week, so you can go drink all the wines yourself. Yippee!
I’ve never said yippee in my entire life. That felt oddly fun.
Have you ever hosted a tasting party? If you have any tips, I’m open to suggestions. I have a basic idea of how I plan to tackle this (HI, MATCHING NAVY BLUE EYE MASKS), but if you’re a pro, hit me up. I think it’s going to super cute.
Also, nine bottles of wine. Ay yi yi. I’d like to apologize for anything that happens on Snapchat and IG Stories tomorrow afternoon from 3-6pm.
Weekend plans? If you’re in the KC area, Aaron has a Flotsamist popup show tomorrow (Saturday) in the West Bottoms at Varnish and Vine from 9-5! I won’t be there. *see above. nine bottles of wine. help.
You’re still thinking about blue shirt aisle meany pants man, aren’t you?
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