Friday Flotsam

I just blew my nose and I swear it sounded exactly like the coffee grinder. Also, FRIDAY!

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

I have to tell you about this crazy dream I just had. If I can remember it. You know how dreams are. You wake up and you’re like, IN IT, and then five seconds later you’re like, “Wait, was I the turtle or the donkey?”

Okay, so: to preface, I’ve never seen Breaking Bad. (should I? I mean, is it really that that good?)

It was 1981, the beginning of summer. There was this huge open field with endless rows of corn, and a narrator in the sky that obviously sounded like Morgan Freeman. The narrator was setting up the premise for a show I think, saying something like, “This was the summer of meth, tennis, and . . .1981.” Or something. DANG IT I’m already losing it.

So, I’m walking through this corn field and I reluctantly enter this enormous barn-type building. It was actually a lovely barn. I can imagine it would be a perfect wedding barn. You know, with a crap load of twigs and mason jars.

Anyway, inside the barn there were all these tiny stall-like slots in the walls, where you stand in line, get an arm band, and a NEEDLE to do meth. And then you’re supposed to walk away and look at what your arm band says. The lady was super rude to me and was all, “READ WHAT IT SAYS.” I was like, “LADY, take a chill pill.” My armband said I had 217 years to live, and I needed to do my meth right now in order to live that long. Which obviously makes total sense.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

I looked around the barn and saw all these friends from when I was a teenager! People from Hobbs, New Mexico. People from Lovington, New Mexico, and then all these other rando zombies (<–because every good dream needs a zombie). Only, when I saw the people from my childhood, the dream clicked over real quick to hallway right next to a church cafeteria, and I was hugging this old dude friend of mine in a cute black dress (me, not him), trying to make my then boyfriend a little bit jealous. But I think there was some game that day, because all my boyfriend said when he looked at us was, “Go Blues!” I looked a ceiling fan and thought, “Well that didn’t work.”

Then it clicked back to the junkie barn.

I heard Morgan in the sky say something along the lines of, “If you don’t take your meth immediately, the zombies will attack you and drink your blood.” (<—I know where the blood thing comes from. Last night we watched the Seinfeld episode where Kramer has to store all his blood in Newman’s apartment, then drive it to wherever in Jerry’s car, then has to use the blood in the oil tank or something. Remember that one? No? Oh.)

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

So right when I hear Morgan in the sky announce my fate, I notice two zombies like, hauling lethargic butt towards me. But you see, they didn’t actually want my blood! They only wanted to gnaw on my fingernails. Still, it hurt.

They had me totally pinned to the ground, and of course my needle flew out of my hand because I was trying to protect myself, right? I notice the girl zombie try and lean over me to grab my needle, right when Morgan in the sky said THIS:

“And just like the disaster of 1908, the grounds opened wide and sucked every last one of them down, FOREVER.” Deeeuum, Morgan.

Only, I didn’t get sucked into the earth. I was completely unscathed, on the outside of it all, watching all these coked zombies screaming as they fell into the deep, dark, dusty pit. AND, my freakin’ needle fell down in it. Great, now how am I supposed to live 217 years?

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

So there I sat, alone with Morgan in the sky, in the corn field, right next to this burpalicious gap in the earth, its tummy filled with high zombies and dirty needles.

I’m trying to remember what happened next, because why would I be the only one saved? That was a beautiful barn, MORGANINTHESKY.

Maybe that was the end. Me, sitting next to the earth hole. Safe from all the meth and zombies.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

This dream has taught me a really important lesson, you guys. I should definitely play more tennis.

Happy weekend.

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17 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Panna September 11, 2015 at 8:02 am #
    yes, breaking bad is THAT good. you should absof@#%inglutely see it! I have yet to meet a person who didn't like it. and that's saying a lot, 'cause I've got a few really hard-to-please friends... :)
  2. Lisa September 11, 2015 at 9:11 am #
    Breaking bad is REALLY good. Your dream is very cinematic. Maybe it was brought on by the need to see Breaking Bad (meth) and the recent watching of Seinfeld (blood) and your need to have a beautiful wedding barn all mixed together. This coupled with the fear of the brevity of our existence on this earth and the fleeting nature of life..and zombies....I need coffee.
  3. Kristen September 11, 2015 at 9:35 am #
    Dude. Breaking Bad really is that good. I'm sure you've answered this question before somewhere, but where did you get the shoes in the second to last photo?
    • Anonymous September 11, 2015 at 9:36 am #
      And I mean your shoes, not Nat's.
      • Dana September 11, 2015 at 10:15 am #
        But Nat's too. So cute. So stylish.
        • Dana September 11, 2015 at 10:19 am #
          Oh, and Breaking Bad is a must. May be better than Parenthood. Yes, I said that. You will never forget Walter White, even though you will HATE him because you'll love him so much. Watch it, please?
    • Bev Weidner September 11, 2015 at 11:05 am #
      Hahaha! If I told you, you would delete me from your life. I can't say the words out loud, but it rhymes with Smorthever Bwendy Pun. Ugh.
      • Kim September 18, 2015 at 10:28 am #
        I prefer to call it Forever 41.
  4. Miriam September 11, 2015 at 9:38 am #
    Morgan Freeman is so reliable when it comes to narrating anything. <3
  5. Melissa September 11, 2015 at 10:53 am #
    How weird and funny! My mom was born and raised in Hobbs, NM. and we still have family and visit often! Small world! ha! :) oh and CUTE kiddos and shoes!
  6. Jess Stone September 11, 2015 at 11:36 am #
    That may be the craziest dream I have ever heard of! And yes Breaking Bad is that good. Hang in there and watch it all the way through because it does get a little stale. Have a fabulous weekend ?
  7. Sarah September 11, 2015 at 1:37 pm #
    I may get a lot of slack for this...but.... I think breaking bad is kinda boring? I watched all the way up to episode 3 of the last season and lost total interest. It was a chore to get that far so I thought, eff it, I don't have to be like everyone else! I will not watch the end of this series!
  8. Mimi September 11, 2015 at 3:14 pm #
    YES!!!!!!! Breaking Bad is THAT good!!!!! Watch it NOW!
  9. Heather September 11, 2015 at 9:33 pm #
    Umm I love that Seinfeld is contributing to your nightmares! And, yes!, Breaking Bad is THAT GOOD!
  10. Sherry Ann Allen September 11, 2015 at 11:20 pm #
    YES!!! BREAKING BAD IS THAT GOOD. AND MORE. Run, don't walk to the nearest computer and stream the entire series. You will be stunned. Shocked. Horrified at what you see. I, myself, was beyond sucked in after the first episode. The fact that programing of that caliber is available to stream on your computer. Trust me on this one. Want to be stunned? Breaking Bad is it.
  11. Bella B September 12, 2015 at 10:26 pm #
    You have got to watch it. Your babies are just the cutest twins I have ever seen. xoxoBella |

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