Frrrrrrrrrrr i d a y e e e e e a a a a a h h h h! You wanna know what gives me micro anxiety? You’re like, “right out of the gate, huh?” Grocery store dividers. Or rather, grocery dividers. Those long thin black plastic bar thingies that you place between your groceries […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……….! I almost didn’t write today’s Flotsam. This week has been so heavy, so devastating, so crippling, so helpless, so gutting. But I decided this morning, literally right now as I’m changing my mind and still typing these words, that I must keep on. Actions have been made this week. Voices are loud and angry […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrahlalalalalala! Okay, remember Chili’s? The restaurant, of course you do. The chain. Chili’s. It’s like, THE ONE place (hear me out) I think all humanity (don’t block me) can sort of agree on. And that is that we all secretly don’t mind it. We don’t hate Chili’s. And you know why? It’s the skillet queso […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRooloodeedoosoomoo. I need to admit something here in this safe space. Here goes… I have a hard time with dish detergent. Not with it personally! It’s me, not it. But I’m here to say, there are like three loads of dishes during the duration (was that redundant?) of the lifespan of the box that I […]
FRRRRRRRRRRmastolf! Who invented the whole “guess-what-chicken-butt!” ordeal? Because he needs some firm talkin’ to. Will and Nat are obsessed with it and I’m being sent to an early grave, you guys. But they take it a few steps further. Of course they do. Guess what. Chicken butt! Guess who? Chicken poo! Guess when? Chicken chin! […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrraylaydaypaymaydaydayday! (just try and love it) Let’s talk about OLD BOOKS. And I don’t mean like, Pride and Prejudice. Although you can if you want. Actually, we’ll include it. But what I mean is like, oldER books that you read 15 or so years ago and you still remember most of the details. Some of […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrederlee doo! Wait have I done that one before? I realized yesterday that I’m well on my way to becoming a hanger person. A travel hanger person. One of those GARMENT BAG HANGER PEOPLE. You know what I’m talking about. Think about when your parents visit you, and they get out of the car, and […]
Frappy Fool’s Day! I hate it. Okay, hate is a strong word. Don’t say hate, blah blah blah. But really, as much as I’m into watching prank and joke shows (Candid Camera forever), I can’t handle BEING PRANKED. All caps. I can’t. So far this morning (and these are mild) there was a fake spider […]
FRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr……………..! Is your bracket busted? This is the one time I’ll ask, okay?! I think Kentucky done ruint everyone. I felt the collected aaargh of the country once that overtime did not go as expected. You’re just floored I’m talking about sports, ain’t cha? Last thing about this and we’ll move on to other crucially […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrr y a d i r f! Why is it that anytime and every time someone and everyone points to their tooth and says, “You have something..” we go for the wrong tooth. And that person, without fail, says, “Other side.” EVERY TIME. What is it about humans that cannot get this right? “Wrong side. […]
