FRRRRrrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR ah dah. I’ve decided I’m not into clapping. Clapping my hands. Not into it. Not like, in general, but when a musician puts his/her hands above their hands holding the mic in a dramatic clap, asking the audience to clap along. Oh no. Please don’t. None of this audience can properly clap. Especially not […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ii dd aa yy aa dd ii rr fffffffff. Who else in this crowd totally imagines themself as Denise Richards in Wild Things every time you climb out of a swimming pool? ‘Fess up, now. I do. I mean, there’s no universe in the past, now, or in the future that I have ever […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRamalamadingdong. I have many things to discuss today, all of which are . . . ahem, of equal importance (you’re like, yeah right), but we HAVE to start with Taylor’s new song. It’s only mandatory. Have you heard it? How many times have you listened so far, besides 400 million? And when do you plan […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrreh deh fleh seh! Today is 100% pop culture talk so pa-ho-ney erp. (<–that’s pony up, mom.) Let’s start with Harry Styles’ new album. You’re either reaching for the x button or your ears have perked up and grown sparkle wings. Yes, girl. Come hither. Now, let me just say, I was never a One […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr r r r r rrrr r r r r r r r rr ………..! Have you ever peed in your dream and in actuality you’re peeing in your bed? This isn’t about a blog post about me peeing in my bed. (yet) But guess what I DID do in my sleep. Just guess. I’ll […]
Frrrrrrrrrrr i d a y e e e e e a a a a a h h h h! You wanna know what gives me micro anxiety? You’re like, “right out of the gate, huh?” Grocery store dividers. Or rather, grocery dividers. Those long thin black plastic bar thingies that you place between your groceries […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……….! I almost didn’t write today’s Flotsam. This week has been so heavy, so devastating, so crippling, so helpless, so gutting. But I decided this morning, literally right now as I’m changing my mind and still typing these words, that I must keep on. Actions have been made this week. Voices are loud and angry […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrahlalalalalala! Okay, remember Chili’s? The restaurant, of course you do. The chain. Chili’s. It’s like, THE ONE place (hear me out) I think all humanity (don’t block me) can sort of agree on. And that is that we all secretly don’t mind it. We don’t hate Chili’s. And you know why? It’s the skillet queso […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRooloodeedoosoomoo. I need to admit something here in this safe space. Here goes… I have a hard time with dish detergent. Not with it personally! It’s me, not it. But I’m here to say, there are like three loads of dishes during the duration (was that redundant?) of the lifespan of the box that I […]
FRRRRRRRRRRmastolf! Who invented the whole “guess-what-chicken-butt!” ordeal? Because he needs some firm talkin’ to. Will and Nat are obsessed with it and I’m being sent to an early grave, you guys. But they take it a few steps further. Of course they do. Guess what. Chicken butt! Guess who? Chicken poo! Guess when? Chicken chin! […]
