Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooloodoomoonoogoo!

We’re going to Worlds of Fun today. Well, tonight. Later later on today. 4pm. Ya know, when the temperature’s at its absolute most brutal. It’s okay though! I’m going to take scarves for us all and wet them down at every mister.

If you don’t know what Worlds of Fun is, it’s an amusement park here in Kansas City. The kids have been saying forever, “Mom, we need to go to a city with an amusement park!” And I’ve said forever, “Kids, we live in a city with an amusement park.” So we lassoed some friends and are driving the 25 minutes north and we are DOING THIS.

According to history, I’m into amusement parks. I can take any thrill ride. Get me on a coaster, bruh! However, it’s uh, been a minute, so I’m not sure how a near-47-year-old’s equilibrium will handle the ups and downs and upside downs and this ways and that ways and zigzags and swirl-de-dos and is that barf? Is that my barf? Might be.

Have you been to an amusement park in a while? I remember as kids it was HEAVEN for us to go to Six Flags over Texas. Our entire childhood happiness revolved around that one summer day every few years where we’d stay the night in a hotel the night before, and get to the gates the LITERAL MOMENT the park opened and not a second later. The lines were so long. It was so hot. We looked like beat up gutter rats (<–oh! let’s come back to this!) by noon. I’m sure my parents hated every minute of it. It was the best.

What’s your favorite ride? Are you a coaster freak or do you prefer a gentler approach to an amusement park? And by that I mean do you stay home?

I love the Scrambler. I could ride that thing for hours. (by that I mean one time.) It was my favorite as a child and is still my very favorite.

Also what are the water bottle rules at Worlds of Fun? Does anyone know? I’ll look it up, but you’re cuter.

And are there bars? Ha! Just kidding.

(but I’m not.)

Okay WHAT is Threads?

Not to be confused by what are threads. I know what threads are. But Threads. What is Threads? I keep seeing Instagram posts that look sort of like tweets but I don’t think tweets are a thing anymore because when I see tweets now they’re just an X. But the IG boxes are white in the middle and then a swirly black thing (is that the thread? Like a string?) behind it. What is that? Why is that? Do we need another thing?

Are you threading? (Sit down, crocheters.)

I won’t be grumpy about it unless you give me a reason to be grumpy about it.

I’m in a great mood today! Why do you ask?

Speaking of: no one, and I truly mean no one should ever be allowed to wear a bikini thong.

Well, in public.

Why anyone wants to wear a bikini thong is beyond any comprehension I’m capable of. It is butt floss and nothing more. It can’t be comfortable, can it?

Do you wear a bikini thong? And you’re okay with this chosen path in your life? Explain. I just need help in this arena. Tell me why this happens.

Also, gold hoops! (I’m switching directions because I can sense you hovering over that x in the upper right hand corner.) I’m in the market for some dainty gold hoop earrings. Not so thin that they hug the lobe like a nose ring, not that. And not so chunky that it looks like I mean business. Not that either. But every day small gold hoops. I know Etsy’s probably the gold mine, and I’ll look. But maybe you know of a certain shop I need to peep. When I was in Israel back in the winter, our host Bar had these perfect small gold hoops in. And she wore them every day and I was like, “BAR, these earrings are lovely. Where did you find them?” And of course her answer was, “Oh these old things? I found them at a flea market in Paris.”

Woes me.

Speaking ooooooof: and we may have already chatted about this a while back but I can’t remember.

Okay, and this is kind of gross, but I’m prepared to have you wigged out for the sake of helping me. My left ear has always been tender (ew) in the earring hole. I think when it got pierced years ago (but maybe not, I dunno) it was infected (ugh) and had some tissue built up in it (hurl) and it’s thicker (omg) than my right ear (sorry) and I’m not sure what to do. It’s harder to get an earring in it than my right ear, but I shove it (what) through the tissue (my word) each day and it sort of hurts a while (stop, bev) and then settles down. HOW DO I FIX THIS? Hydrogen peroxide on a q-tip? I’ve done that. How we find out why my lobe is swollen (we’re starting a band called Swollen Lobes) and get it to chill out? Am I just doomed with irritated tissue lobe for the rest of time? Tell me what to do. I’m all ears. HA!

oh.

Weekend plans?

You mean besides staring the face of Satan’s breath with these horrific temperatures? We have visitors the next two weekends before school starts, so I’m jumping on all the little areas downstairs, upstairs and outside that need some hacking, trimming and tidying. A few planters have crispies in them and need to be replaced. A patio curtain got ripped up in the storms and also needs to be replaced. I also plan to finish Romantic Comedy today! I’m loving all the KC references. I’ll report back on that later.

From this week! Just one recipe because kids still at home. We’re having a Feta and Tomato Dip and it is so, so good. You all suggested this for the block party that did/didn’t happen because of said storms. Please try it! Here’s a video.

Okie doke! We have earrings to discuss, a nasty lobe to tend to and bikini thongs to violently avoid. We got this.

(Oh! The beat up gutter rats. We’ll come back to that a week from today. So much anticipation, I’m sure you can barely take it.)