Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrruluuuudeeedaaaaadiddledeedooooo!

WHEW. Guilty.

I mean we knew it. We knew it was coming. But it was SO SATISFYING to watch the woman say the words out loud, and live. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. The micro crinkle of his lips. The slight nod. He knew it, too.

But it mainly reminded me when and where I was during the OJ Simpson trial. Specifically, the verdict. (Also, as a child of the ’80s and ’90s I cannot say the word OJ without immediately reciting the Sunny Delight commercial from 1991. “We got some soda, oj, purple stuff, some Sunny Delight.” “Sunny Delight!” Glad we had this talk.) It was October 2nd, 1995 and I was in choir practice at Hardin Simmons University. A Tuesday afternoon. We were on the risers in a beautiful lofty auditorium, and the verdict came in. None of us had cell phones of course. Someone came in and shouted from the back. “Not guilty.”

W H A A A A A A A A A A A T. And in less than four hours, much like Murdaugh!

You cannot imagine the reaction from everyone. Gasps. Screams. Borderline mayhem. NOT GUILTY? Insanity. And then we gathered ourselves and kept rehearsing Set Me as a Seal as best we could. Haha! What a day.

Where were you when that 1995 verdict was reached? You know I need these details to thrive in this world.

Yesterday I had an eye appointment and I realized I cannot make it through a single mundane life appointment without being a complete clown. Why can’t I do this? Why can’t I answer simple yes and no questions like a normal person? Why does every single thing need to be a joke? (I know the answer but shush.)

For example, when running down the basic questions the assistant asked me, “Any changes to drinking alcohol and/or smoking?” To which I replied, “Nope, still going hard at both.”

She goes, “Oh.”

I said, “That’s a joke. I’m kidding.”

She goes, “Oh.”

Geez, Bev.

And then, to make matters better (I said shush), when the doctor asked if I find myself pulling my glasses on and off during the day I seriously said to her, “Yes, but I make sure to do it in the most Meryl Streep way possible. First I pull them down to the edge of my nose with a big inhale, then I take them off and hold them on top of my head for a moment, with a dramatic exhale. If I’m wearing a scarf it’s even more effective. I then hold the glasses in one hand and run my hand through my hair with the other. Then I mutter something about “having to see about that” and then put them back on my face, with one more head swoop and sigh to round it out. It just works.”

She goes, “…is that a yes or no?”

WHY, BEV. Just answer the question!

I also have upsetting news to report (besides the need to dip my toes into progressive lenses sunnofaaaa) is that when I told the assistant that the whole experience reminded of the Friends episode where Rachel can’t keep her head in the machine that blows the puff of air in her eyes. THE GIRL HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO.

What a sad, sad world.

Daisy Jones & the Six! Have you watched yet?

Tell me everything. How is it?

OR WAIT, it comes out today. Does it come out today? Let me rephrase – WILL you watch? I’m so excited.

But I need to get my act together and finish Chicken Sisters (yesi’mstillreadingthisdamnbook) before I do anything else. And I mean anything else. Truly anything else. Lit-rally anything else.

Also I’m in a ding-a-ling who just realized this week that Daisy is Elvis’s granddaughter. DUH. You can see it all over her eyes.

My main message is, when is Elin Hilderbrand going to have a mini series?

SPEAKING OF, have you read her newest book? If so, flip to the very back where the recipes are. See anyone familiar? (yes, this was the douchiest way of telling you I’m in her book. I’m in her book!!) I’ll show you soon.

This Daylight Saving debacle makes my head hurt. What if some states approve and others don’t? That jacks up all the time zones. Doesn’t it? I feel like it would. Or something like that. Maybe it doesn’t. But it feels like it would. Never mind.

Weekend plans?

It’s School Trivia Night! I still need GIANT hoops, preferably plastic, to complete my SJP ’80s look. Our entire group of ten is dressing up, so you know I’m gonna post ridiculous photos later on. Aaron’s going as Lloyd Dobler. Prepare thyself. Other than that, I have a bestie lunch today, some thrifting immediately after, finishing my book tomorrow, a Girl Scouts dance party Saturday evening, and NUTHIN’ (honey?) on Sunday. Aren’t those words glorious? The nothing part.

From this week!::: Broccoli Cheddar Chicken Pot Pie! Absolutely scrumptious. And easy. Here’s the video, too. And your March Mixtape! All Jane Austen vibes, so get ready for mooooood.

What’s for dinner tonight?