Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRRumuluduru!

I wish I was a skirt person.

I TRY. I try with skirts. I think, “Look at that skirt! What a cute skirt! I need that skirt!” And then I hate the stupid skirt.

And I’ve tried Everlane, Madewell, Target, Old Navy, even F41 a few years ago, but nothing is quite right. Why are skirts so delicious on all of you and they’re rotting turds on me? I think I need to figure out my style of skirt. Which apparently is none. I used to go for pencil back in my 20s, but that was pre-kids and only worked .18% of the time.

I don’t like anything with too much fabric. So A-lines are tricky for me. I have such a short torso that if the skirt is too bulky I’ll look like a cartoon box car. But it can’t be too fitted, too. Hashtag c-section.

WHAT ARE YOUR G- sorry sorry, what are your go-to skirts? What works? Is drawstring dumb? I just need so much intense help with skirts.

Orrrrr maybe I’m just a shorts gal.

Thanks for being there for me during this dark time.

Okay you guys, let’s talk about King Crab.

. . . I’ve never had it! My friend James eats it all the time, and every time I see her post about it, I’m like, oh yeah, King Crab! (I keep wanting to type crap. King Crap.)

But like, what do you do with it? How does one prepare it? Because I see it at the seafood counter all the time, sprawled out like a giant angry pink spider over the glistening ice. And every time it’s equal parts tempting and terrifying.

I know it’s already cooked. Wait, right? It is, isn’t it? It’s not like lobster tail on ice where you sear or boil or sauté? So if it’s already cooked, we’re just warming it up, correct? What’s the best way to do that? I know I could ask Google but you’re cuter.

Tell me how to make it! I’m intrigued but also, does it take five years to eat? Because you know I have the patience of a drunk hummingbird.

And tell me how it all works. We need those claw cracky things? Are we dipping in butter like lobster? Do you serve with toasty bread? What’s the best part of meat? Sea meat? Sea meat. Maybe I’ll add this to my summer bucket list! Except I don’t have one.

Actually, I should have asked you this at the beginning of the summer and not after the Fourth of July (which to me is peak summer) but – what’s on your summer bucket list??

I don’t have one (which contradicts my plan orchestrating soul), so it’s probably lame of me to ask what’s on yours. Does SURVIVING count? Because that’s mine.

And I’m not being neggy peggy, I just thrive in routine. Not having a day-to-day concrete schedule with the kids should do me some good, but I’m just not built for it. But this is how I’m also a walking contradiction – the weeks where we have very little or no plans, I’m like, “Yay! Let’s do absolutely nothing!” And then five minutes in I’m like, “Hold on what can we do who can we see where can we go I need a plaaaaaan!” I’m not exhausting at all.

We’ve got one more road trip to see Arkansas family. One more week of summer camp. And our living room renovation! Which happens while we’re gone. Part of it anyway. The dirty work part. (I’ll definitely document all of that if you’re interested.) And that’s IT. School starts August 12th which YES, seems so early but remember they’ve been out since late May. Of 1985.

How do you handle summer? Are you your best with a schedule, or do you thrive with winging it? I definitely teeter. I’m not driven by spontaneity, unless there’s a skeleton plan surrounding it. Does that make sense? If there’s an umbrella plan at large, I can wing the rest. I think. Never mind.

I think it’s time to pinch (my sister says peench) my dahlias! Which I had no idea was even a thing, until a follower in Instagram told me about it. Do you pinch yours? It basically means that once they reach a foot tall, you cut them back a bit so that the flower works extra hard to make extra blooms. I think I have that right. I’m gonna watch a bunch of Youtube videos on it before I go all Bevward Scissorhands on them.

Hold me in your prayers.

Weekend plans?

We have an outdoor water (outdoor water?) birthday party tomorrow afternoon but the thunderstorm chances are 395%. Other than that, nothing! The temps will be stunning (low 70s, you guys), so I’ll be resting, reading, eating tacos, running, and that’s it. That’s all. And maybe look at the skirt links you show me. And pinch (peench) my dahlias. I’m nervous.

What book is on your nightstand?