Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i d a y d e e d o o.

You know what I’ve never understood? (you’re like, “you mean besides every single thing ever?”)

The phrase “dark circles under the eyes.”

Now, I get “BAGS under the eyes”. Although I always imagine a leather weekender just hanging out on the under lid. Little handles hooked on the lower lashes.

But “dark circles under my eyes” has thrown me my entire life. (why yes, this is the actual topic of conversation right now, why do you ask?)

Because they aren’t circles, you guys. Where exactly are you seeing circles under the eyes? If there were circles under the eyes, it would look like the Olympic symbols in charcoal all splayed out on the upper cheekbone. And I’ve never seen Olympic symbols in charcoal all splayed out on the upper cheekbone.

What the world is trying to say is HALF MOONS. It’s only half a circle. Like a little rusted redish half ring under the eyeball. And it’s barely even that. It’s really just a puffy splot of purplish redish that make the eyes appear overworked, underpaid and exhausted. But CIRCLES? They are not.

These are the things I think about at night and all the time.

I also spend actual minutes and hours in my life thinking about this next topic:

Sharing a flask.

WHY AND HOW IS THIS OKAY? How are so many crusty old men and drunk business dudes always wandering the streets sharing flasks with other crusty old men, drunk business dudes, stray dogs and splintered telephone posts? How is no one concerned about the GERMS OF IT ALL?

Because do you ever see randos on the subways or in the streets or in Target or at a desk cubicle all, “Hey man, can I have a sip of your coffee? Mind if I share your bottle of water? Might I have a nip of your tea? May I swig that wine with ya?”

NO. No you do not. GET AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS LIQUIDS, YOU BACTERIAL BUCKET.

But a flask? Well clearly that’s acceptable.

W H Y.

Is it, and honestly, tell me because I truly do not know – does the whiskey kill off the germs? Is that why circles of morons are swappin’ spit even in the winter for the sake of a buzz and/or a shared moment of solidarity or woes?

Or wait, is it the shape of the container that makes it socially agreeable to pass around parasites?

In the wise words of Kevin McCallister, “I don’t think so.”

Tell me if you’ve ever done this.

And be honest! THIS IS CHRISTMAS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Have you ever been in the middle of making a to-do list, and then thought back in time and added the things you’ve already done that morning and immediately crossed them off simply to feel productive in this life?

And I mean, things like, “Said hi to my dog.”

Or

“Brushed my tooth.”

Or

“Changed socks.”

Me, too! So glad we had this talk.

Book update!

Juuuust finished the third book in our Winter Street series last night (totally thought Kelley was going to die), so tonight I’ll start the final book! I decided to add Royal Holiday to our reading list this month, since we’re burnin’ spines like whoa ho ho. (<–did you like that?)

We should share a flask to celebrate!

And oh – besides Maisel (I’ll get to it some point!), are there any good Netflix-original or Hulu-created Holiday movies or shows I need to know about?

We recently watched the little mini series called Movies That Made Us – they’re so fascinating! Home Alone, DIRTY DANCING, Die Hard and Ghostbusters. It’s all about how the movies nearly got canned, almost failed, never happened. Such juice. So many tiny things that I had no idea about. FOR INSTANCE, did you know that John Candy got paid less than the pizza delivery dude on Home Alone? He took the day rate, just like all the other extras. He did that movie as a favor. Can you believe that?

That’s all I had to say about that.

Weekend plans?

I NEED TO FINISH MAH TRAY. The kids got all the ornaments on it, but they’re in the uh, center of the tree. So that’s gettin’ fixed today. Plus it needs tinsel, popcorn, cranberries, the bling. And the mantel! Gotta go get garland today. I’m basically thinking out loud to no one.

There’s a cute pop-up at Fox and Pearl tomorrow that I’m absolutely most definitely dragging the fam to. A LOT of small local businesses + wine tastings + amazing food + drink specials. Done. In.

Maybe they’ll have flasks to share!