Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF r i d y a. I mean a y.

What exactly do you do with witch hazel? Besides get excited about using the words witch and hazel back to back.

What does it do? What does it heal? What ancient voodoo of yesterlore do I need to absorb for ultimate life happiness? I just joined Public Goods two days ago, which I haven’t even gotten my first box, so I have absolutely no way of knowing if I’ll like it or not. And one of their products is witch hazel. But in a clean white bottle with simple lettering on the front. And I’m so drawn to it! WITCH HAZEL.

Of course I’ve heard of it all my adult life, but haven’t really given it much thought because of how trendy it is.

THAT WITCH HAZEL IS SO HOT RIGHT NOW. (<–name that movie.)

You never name my movies.

Name that movie, dangit!

And then tell me about Miss Hazel. Does she bite?

A Place For Us – are you reading? Are you in my imaginary book club? I’m alllllmost to the halfway point. Mile marker 46 I think. (No spoilers, I swear!)

I LOVE it. It’s such a different read than what I’ve been churning through this year. These Indian family dynamics are just so compelling. Tiny things are starting to tie together, since the mini chapters inside the main chapters jump around in time so much. (I get confused! do you? no? oh.) But I can’t wait for that big, “OMG NOW IT GET IT. WHOA. whoa,” moment.

When does that happen? You can tell me. Tell me!

Yes I need to pull that dead leaf off. I see it. I know you see it. I’ll go do it now. Hold on.

That’s all I had to say.

Fellow frothers:::: LET US DISCUSS.

Okay. I’m so perplexed by my little milk frother stick. Tell me – what exactly makes THE BEST froth? Because for a while I thought it was how much fat was in the milk. But get this – my 2% froths way better than HEAVY CREAM.

Why is that?

What is going on?

And then I thought out loud to no one, “Okay it must have something to do with the temperature of the milk. It froths better cold.”

But lately, my cold bubbles fizzle almost immediately.

Why is that?

What is going on?

And THEN I thought again out loud to no one, “Maaaaybe it’s because I’m out of collagen peptides, and the collagen helps the bubbles all stick together like a youthful deer’s neck.” Because that’s what normal people say.

So tell me, what’s the magic formula for getting your bubbles to STICK AND STAY? I ain’t trying to make fancy bubble art, guys. (although it is a goal) I JUST WANT SOME DANG THICK FOAM TO LOOK AT.

Wait, would witch hazel help with this?

All I want in my life is spring. Ugh, I keep ordering little spring tops and dresses in the hopes that it will somehow trick the weather into thinking it should not be such an ARCTIC A-HOLE.

I’m planning the garden. I should not be planning the garden.

I’m fantasizing about a new sheen of oil on the pergola, washing the white curtains and filling all the frozen terra cotta pots with flowers. I should not be fantasizing about a new sheen of oil on the pergola, washing the white curtains and filling all the frozen terra cotta pots with flowers.

I need to be organizing my taxes (hold me), scribbling on vintage Valentine’s Day cards with the kids (hold me again) and rewashing their winter coats for another 57 months of cold and snow ahead. And I cry.

Hold on, does witch hazel help with this?

Weekend plans?

The kids are home from school for the 785th day in a row because of ice. And I’m about to take my fist to the ice’s face.

Other than that, I’m gonna sizzle some scallops for you (!), watch this movie tonight (obsessed with Jake’s hair and glasses and whole everything in it), paint the fireplace bricks white (you know I always need a project), and try and make lots of progress with A Place For Us. Mile marker 198 I think.

Okay, on a scale from 1-10 – how cold are you right now? And does witch hazel help with this?