Friday Flotsam

FLRRRRRRoopey. Er, Fridya. Friday.

I’m not one who picks at zits.

Or scratches as scabs.

Or pops those awful sunburn liquid bubbles.

You’re like, “WTF HOW DID I GET HERE.”

But you know that flaky brown stuff, what is it – CRADLE CAP that’s on top of your kids’ heads? And it gets darker in the summer because burning?

I AM ADDICTED TO PICKING AT THAT. It’s like this weird force within my bones that HAS to. I HAVE TO. And once I get going, that force inside my body won’t let me stop. It gives me a strange sense of pleasure to pickpickpickpullpullpullscratchscratchscratch at their heads OMG.

I’m like a giant mama monkey just gettin’ all up in there.

I pick at it, pull the grody skull skin through their hair and then show them like they just won something.

And the thing is, I’m equally grossed out slash completely fascinated by it. While I desperately want to pick it all GONE because “EW, DAVID”, I want some left over, so I can continue to satisfy that deep, internal itch. And I’m getting kind of depressed because there’s a tiny patch left on Nat’s head, which I’ll get tonight in the bath, and two patches left on Will’s. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE AFTER THIS?

You can x out now.

I want to know more about green moisturizer!

You’re like, “I seriously don’t understand what’s happening right now.”

Tell me, does it REALLY cancel out rosacea?

There should be a rosé called rosécea! Maybe not.

Do you ever use green moisturizer? Or is it a load of media honky donk? Because while I can control most of mine (laser, concealer, etc.), I’m still curious about this so-called magical green goop. Do you only use it on the red patches? (And no I don’t pick at rosacea, DUDES. I’m not some disgusting psycho.) Or do you use it all over?

Tell me more!

IS IT EASY being green?

Sorry.

You guuuuuys, a week from yesterday we’re on the road to CONNECTICUUUUUUUT! Wait, did I spell that right?

Connecticut. Yep. Okay.

The mail is held, lawn care is booked, home care and plant care are booked, hotels are booked, meds are filled, car is serviced, busy bags are (mostly) filled, new shorts from Everlane are ordered, I MEAN WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

I even ordered this cooler from Amazon because a) it matches my new Birdling bags, natch, and b) I want to fill it up with deli meat and sliced cheese for lunches at rest areas and parks! I can’t eat fast food on road trips and not feel like a herculean a$$hole. And this way, Charlie and the grems can run around a bit while we picnic on the side of the road.

Just kidding, Mom! We’ve got more sense than that.

. . . We’ll eat on the access road.

(Tell me if I’m forgetting anything!) (More shorts?)

(More shorts.)

So, I’m ALMOST done with Schitt’s Creek, and it has given me so.much.life.joy. I cannot even tell you.

EW, DAVID.

I want Alexis’ everything. Hair, face, legs, flat tummy, no jowls, tight arms, okay – YOUTH, that permanent not-so-innocent-yet-oblivious-smirk. Ugh.

Next on the list? EVIL GENIUS on Netflix. Have you seen it? It’s something Aaron and I can watch together and not want to stab something slash each other.

I’m sliding this one in before I dive into Handmaid season 2. Frankly because I’m scared and a huge sissy.

What are you watching right now? Give me the goods.

Weekend plans?

Today is the kids’ LAST DAY OF PRESCHOOL waaaaah. So we’ll go to school with them and watch their spring performance which yew KNOW I’MON THROW THAT UP ON STAWRIES, Y’ALL. (<–sorry I get so intense sometimes.)

Tomorrow my fabulous sis-in-law is coming up for the holiday weekend, which means a Madewell run, lots of rosé, maybe another backyard movie, a fun dinner with friends Sunday night, and rosé.

Also, rosé.

Plus, the rosé.

And just like that, summer is here.

EW, DAVID.