Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFlimay! Er, Friday.

OKAY SO.

Finished Handmaid’s Tale last week. (<–I almost typed tail. Elizabeth Moss’s tail.)

I absolutely L O V E D the ending. (spoilers!! SPOILERS. you’ve been warned. don’t paper cut me.) When they’re all in that huge circle in the lightly falling snow, and the guards drag out loony JANINE and her wonky eye. (whom I ADORE. her giddy slash delusional-to-reality persona was so intriguing in this role, right?) The looks on all the handmaids’ faces, omg. And then when they came for June and put her in the back of that dark, cold van, O M G. June’s FACE. She’s cracking a subtle smile and all the while Luke’s hugging Moira in the Canadian hallway with all the missing persons photos and I’m basically dying for season 2. The end.

But I’m now totally and completely into Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! Only three episodes in, but I just think it’s so great. So funny. I AM waiting for Alex Borstein to break out into her Lois Griffin voice, “PETAAAAAA.”

Get this, one of my follower’s sister did the COSTUMES. You know what that means, don’t you? I’m basically. . . let’s see, one, two, three DEGREES from the show! Four degrees. Something. Whatever. The show follows me! Just kidding. Never mind.

So yesterday I did a “POOOOOLLLLLLLLLLAH!” on my IG Stories about whether you’d like to know my skincare routine or my makeup routine. Because last week I posted just a little bit about eye makeup from the drugstore (which is a totally fine life move), which led to more makeup questions, which then led to an abundance of skincare questions, which then led to me taking a nap on my phone. So! Skincare it is.

And you should know, I’m no expert.

I’m not a skincare blogger.

But I do love skin stuff.

Because I’m 41 and ancient and rickety crickety.

And also, (and you know this, I’m not being bossy), but skincare needs CHANGE as you get older. The ish I’m using now may not be the ish I use next year. Okaybye.

Wait! I still need to tell you my routine.

MORNING:

So the first thing I definitely recommend is a konjac sponge. I’ve preached (to the fake masses in my head) about this rooty, spongy delight for over a year now. You can get ’em anywhere! I cleanse with it, and it lightly buffs my skins and leaves behind a slight glow. I’ll never quit it.

I’ve experimented with a bazillion different cleansers forever, but what I’m using currently is a Micellar Cleansing water from Garnier.  I like it! I’ve used their charcoal cleanser, too, and I’d definitely buy that again.

In the morning, once I’ve cleansed, I put on Ole Henriksen’s Truth Serum. I LOVE THIS. I read (I think on Goop?) that the face needs vitamin C first thing in the morning, so that’s the first thing I pour on.

After that comes the moisturizer! Right now I’m using Ole Henriksen’s Perfecting Transformation moisturizer, and it’s great. Light, not greasy, feels amazing.

Then comes sunscreen! In years past, I’ve used moisturizers that HAVE sunscreen in them. But some don’t always have an SPF in it, and my old decrepit face needs it. I’ve used Aveeno a lot in the past, (always get at least SPF 30!), but yesterday I just received this sunscreen from BeautyRX, so I’ll try that out and let ya know.

I JUST received this Banana Bright eye cream from Ole, and I’ve only used it once, but I can already tell I’ll fall into irrational obsession. You put it on after moisturizing, and it immediately brightens under your eyes, WHILE acting as an eye shadow base. Boom.

NIGHTTIME: (also, that ^^^^ isn’t a Bob Ross painting, you guys. It’s ice crystals on the OUTSIDE OF MY WINDSHIELD. Nature freaks me out.)

I’ve used Pond’s makeup remover since bloomin’ junior high. It works brilliantly. The end.

Then Konjac with Micellar water, hum a little ditty. (<–100% true. YOU KNOW WHO I AM, RIGHT.)

For nighttime moisturizer, I’ve been using No. 7 night cream, and I love it! Smells d i v i n e. It’s thick, and feels like a blanket of baby bum on your face all night.

For night eyes, I use Ole Henriksen’s Transformation Eye Gel, and it’s amazing! Just tightens the eye area, which is good for my life.

That’s basically it!

Of course I do face scrubs two or three times a week (this one from Ole is KILLER), along with masks once a week (totally dig this charcoal one from Beautycounter). But overall my routine is fairly simple.

HOWEVER. I’ve got top-secret James Bond tips on the ultimate in skincare.

1) WATER.WATER.WATER. (I drink so much it would make your head swim. Ha! Swim. Never mind.)

2) SLEEP.SLEEP.SLEEP. (I get in bed no later than 9:30pm. I’m obnoxiously strict about this. Sleep is everything.)

3) WINE.WINE.WINE. (jk jk jk jk jk – actually, this is something I’m working on this year. Less wine. Like, a lot less wine. It totally hangs in my face and brings out red pigmentation like whoa.)

4) KALE.KALE.KALE. I eat kale at least once a day. And I’m serious. It’s been my breakfast staple for years (sauté a heaping mound in a tiny bit of oil, a pinch of garlic powder, salt and lemon juice, yo).

Other things that boost the glow are juices! Especially green juices. Also, smoked salmon. I eat smoked salmon at least four times a week. #EMILYGILMOREKNOWS Matcha Tea is also incredible for skin health. I’ve been drinking more and more of it, and I’m seriously noticing a difference. Yes I’m a walking cliché leave me alone.

Aaaand if you’re curious about more advanced skincare, I get Botox, guys. And I ain’t ashamed of it. I’ve got a more in-depth post about that!

Tell me what you do. And if you have anything life changing to enhance or add to my routine, HOLLA. You know I need you.

Now if we can figure out a way to get my neck to not look like a rotting iguana….

While I have you!

Wait, do I still have you? Let’s talk about vacuum cleaners. YES, I asked about this on my Stories about a year ago, (remember the whole sock in the tube and the high-pitched dying seal sound and me thinking it was all broken but really we just need to pull the sock out of the tube and the other one out of my head? Right. That.)

WELL. My Shark is officially annoying. It WORKS, but there’s a big hole in the tube part, which means I have to use my hand to squinch up the tube so that the air doesn’t leak out, causing weak suction. Know what I mean, Vern?

Tell me what vacuum cleaner is bomb. I’d like to stick to Shark, because I don’t want to sell my pancreas for a Dyson. Are there new Sharks that are incredible?? Or any other brands that are way more pimp than Shark?

TELL MAMA. (<–please forgive me for those two words back to back just now.)

Weekend plans?

It’s negative a billion degrees here with a windchill of WHYYYYYYY.

Our best pals that were supposed to come over last weekend were all flu-y, so we rain checked for tomorrow! I’m making a huge crockpot of bbq pulled pork with baked beans. I’ve never made baked beans before. I’m scared.

We’re also doing something tomorrow morning waaaay out of our comfort zones, but I’m actually super excited and READY for this home change. I don’t want to give anything away, but it rhymes with slawpmaqer.

I know. I shouldn’t be so obvious.

Baked beans aren’t scary, right?