Friday Flotsam

f RIDDDDDDD a a a a a a a a a a  a a a                     AY.

I NEED MORE ZEN.

Hold on, sorry. Let me try that again.

I need more zen.

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not the most calm person in the world. I know you probably find that hard to believe, given that all my blog posts are written smoothly, with a soft, cohesive velvet touch to the ears, never confusing, not at all jumpy or restless in my thoughts, always guiding you along in a tranquilizing canoe of butter, I KNOW.

But.

I need more zen.

Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t need more happy. I’ve got happy! I’ve got happy oozing out of my pores like a garlic vodka tornado. I just need more zeeeeeen. I need to relaaaaax more. Breaaaaaathe more. Streeeeeetch more. Maybe drink that one psychedelic tea from Zoolander, I dunno.

How do you zen?

Wait, POLL! ::::

How do you zen? Do you zen out in the morning or night? When the kids take a nap? Do you find it better to zen at the START of the day? Or to END your day with zen? Because like, I light candles and incense, listen to classical music and drink an afternoon tea once in a while, yadda yadda. But I don’t think it’s zen-y enough. I want to be ultra zen-y.

OMG I’M SO EXCITED TO GET IDEAS FROM YOU. (!!)

Sorry sorry, let me give that another go.

Inhaaaaale. I’m mildly amped to soak up your insight and gain knowledge on my impending zenage journey. Bless you and Godspeed and Mecca Lecca Hi, Mecca Hiney Ho. Exhaaaaale.

How did I do?!

You know how at the end of Wheel of Fortune, when the bell rings and Pat goes, “Aaand it’s time for the final spin – blah blah.” And HE spins the wheel, right? HE leans down and spins the giant wheel, and whatever it lands on is what they play.

WELL, what if it lands on Bankrupt? Or Lose a Turn? It never, ever lands on either of those for Pat, yet the entire show is filled with loser and bankruptcy spins. How does he not ever land on either of those? HOW?!

I’m telling you, if I had more zen, this wouldn’t keep me up at night.

Let’s talk podcasts.

Do you listen to/obsess over any podcasts that I ABSOLUTELY need to know about? I’ve never been a huge podcast listener, but now that Gilmore Girls has violently left me for dead, I sob constantly and am desperate to fill the void. I even went and had a Dermaplane yesterday, just to remove all the rotting skin cells that reminded me of our bittersweet end.

But I really want to get into podcasts! Nothing super serious. Maybe some murder. Romance. Puzzles. You know.

What do you listen to? I’ve got “Talking as Fast as I Can” on my list. Which I know isn’t technically a podcast, but I want to listen to Lauren’s book (I call her Lauren), because hello, it’s about talking. You can’t READ about talking fast. You listen. About talking fast.

So spill it! I’m going to make a little document like the nerd I am, with all your suggestions, so that I can make my way through all the listenage. Which sounds like hemorrhage. I like it.

Um, you know the old man in Knick Knack Paddywack Give the Dog a Bone? I’m sorry, what exactly is knick knacking? I watched a video of this nursery rhyme yesterday with the grems, and some old creepy dude is just moving his hands back and forth with a prison smile on his face. WHAT IS KNICK KNACKING?

Does he have a license to do all this knick knacking?

And why does he jump from a thumb, to a shoe, to a knee (<–awkward), to a door, to a BEE HIVE, to some sticks, to HEAVEN, back down to a gate at some chick’s house, then to her SPINE? No. This knick knacking is clearly not regulated and neither is all the “rolling home” he does. How does an old man ROLL HOME? Especially after all the knick knacking! “If that’s some sort of drug reference, it isn’t funny.” (<–name that show.)

Weekend plans?

Tonight we continue with FFFFF (or Fabulous Friday Flashback Film Fun, for long) wiiiiith Barefoot in the Park! 1967, Robert Redford and Jane Fonda. Ugh. Can’t wait. We’re pairing a dry Chardonnay with it, along with steamed mussels and fries. I’ll actually be Wine Talking on Snap and IG later this afternoon, so stay tuned! (you don’t have to.)

If you remember, last week we watched Bonnie and Clyde, and omgILOVEDIT. Absolutely freaking loved it. The style, the story, the cars, Warren Beatty’s face, all of it. A+.

Other than that, I’m attending a girlfriend’s 40th bday party tomorrow night. It’s KARAOKE. Also known as, I apologize now for all the Barbra and Celine headed to your earholes, Kansas City.

…WAIT. Do you think they edit out the bankrupt spins and let Pat try again? Or is he secretly wearing a multi-colored cape under that suit?

My money’s on the cape.