Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF    r i d .. a      ….    y? !!! .

OH MY GOSH it has rained for two months straight. Not that I’m complaining! But every single step in the yard is some serious squish town. And when you add bare, wet baby feet with muddy dawg paws with a neutral sofa and freshly mopped floors? Mama sees red. Ew, and I just spoke in third person.

But really, this rain be tow up. It’s a lot like Portland! Which, in a funny twist of irony, I’m headed there right this minute! Er, at butt-crack:30 Friday morning. Depending on when you read this. And it’s dry ALL weekend. I’ll take it, man.

I’m so excited to visit Portlandia. I’ve never been! I’m speaking at Indulge conference, which I know I told you about seventeen thousand years ago. I can hardly believe it’s finally here! Are you going? Will you be there? Will you come say hi? Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

Have you guys heard of or seen Pure and Weary? OMG. They’re two writers/actresses out of Chicago’s Second City and they’re pretty dang funny. They sent me this Mother’s Day tribute video like WEEKS ago, and of course I keep forgetting to show you! I’m such a jerk. You should peep it, though. Seriously fun stuff. Just my steeeeeez.

So this is funny. I randomly paused to take this photo in our living room the other day, and noticed Aaron watching me, so I scooted ever so slightly to catch his face in the mirror. Then I giggled. And he goes, “What are you laughing at?” And I said, “Oh nothing. Just a funny joke I remembered from junior high school.” And he said, “You are lying. Why are you laughing?”

So I showed him the photo. Homeboy’s all, “You can’t post that. I look like a serial killer. I look like a ghost. I look like a serial killer’s ghost. Please don’t post that. Bev, look me in the eye: please.”

So naturally, as any good wife would do, I looked him straight in the eye and said, “My darling dear, I promise you that I will not post this photo.”

And then I posted this photo.

In case you missed it, my newest article on What To Expect is live! It’s about all toddler food, dood. Five superrrr easy recipes that you can whip together in a nano. And dunchew worry, I included the, um, adult variations, too. You’re welcome and I’m sorry.

Speaking of I’m sorry, I was interviewed for a fun podcast a couple of months ago, and it’s up! I didn’t actually listen to it because I’m much better off in life not hearing my own voice, advice, stories and the like. But my mom liked it! So. . . there’s that.

Speaking of sorry, I really miss the game Sorry. You know what, I’m gonna bring back game night, by golly! Have games changed since the ’80s? What’s cool these days? We always played Pictionary, Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, LOTS of Uno, Trivial Pursuit, Apples to Apples, Connect Four, Scattergories, Taboo, Operation, Sorry, a tiny bit of Scrabble, and Yahtzee. Hahaha. Yahtzee. You’re such a yahtzee. Hold on let me look up what that word means.

I’d like to apologize for calling you yahtzee just now.

Weekend plans? You know mine! Embarrassing myself like a freak in front of an entire room whilst discussing Instagram. I’ll probably have food in my teeth. Will you let me know if I do?

Wait! Don’t.

Wait! Do.

Wait! Don’t and then do. But backwards.

Also, Natalie is straight up sporting a full-on mullet. I do NOT want to cut her hair, but she can’t be lookin’ like Ricky Skaggs, y’all! There can’t be no Kentucky Thunder up in her diaper! What do I do!? Besides chill out on the exclamation points.

Halp.