Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! i d a y .

I just had this weird dream where I was taking the kids through a car wash, but when we drove through it, nothing happened, so we backed out and I asked “Hey man, why doesn’t this work?” And the owner said, “Well you need to read the sign before going through. “I said, “What sign?” And he handed me a piece of paper that said, “A lot of sexual harassment has occurred at this car wash, so sign here if you’re okay with that. I mean, barely anything happened and everyone’s okay now, but still you have to sign to proceed.”

AND THEN IT SAID, “Also the car wash takes 30 minutes to complete and it will damage the insides of your car so if you have plans to be at a farm in 30 minutes, you’ll never make it.”

And then it started playing Michael Jackson’s Thriller in the background and I woke up.

Please tell me we left the car wash. PLEASE TELL ME WE LEFT THE CAR WASH.

I miss Reader’s Digest. Remember those tiny little magazines? I’m reading The Shining right now and there’s this one part where they find a stack of pocket-sized Reader’s Digest magazines and OBVIOUSLY IT MADE ME THINK OF BABY JESSICA IN THE WELL. (yes I’m still talking about her)

Do you remember that specific Reader’s Digest special edition that had the drawing of how they were carving out a well tube thing parallel to Baby Jessica’s, which went below her and over to where she was?

O

M

G I was obsessed. I like a good map so you know this one did me in. I can’t think about a vintage Reader’s Digest without thinking about Baby Jessica in the well. But you have to say it as one word, BabyJessicaInTheWell.

You know we lived lit’rally an hour and 15 minutes away from her house in Midland Texas back in October of 1987 when it happened. We’re famous!

Is Reader’s Digest still a thing? Also I feel like I might need that red rescue worker trucker hat.

Let’s talk holiday books!

Remember last year we read the Winter Street series? (I miss the Quinns) And then right after we read Royal Holiday and We Met in December. What’s another good holiday series that I (we? I?) could take on? Or stand-alones, it matters not! I want drama, romance, cliché, a drunk Santa, all of it. (I do have another round of books to share before we start holiday reading, which I’ll announce super soon, once they arrive. Coo? Coo.)

Also, have you realized it’s six weeks until Thanksgiving? Six weeks yesterday. What is even happening. I need to plan my gratin! You know I like a good gratin.

I’ve never understood “laundry list.”

A) we’re not making a list of our laundry items. I mean, I do get that “laundry list” isn’t actually referring to the laundry. But doesn’t it feel like the word laundry needs to be replaced with something else, so that actual laundry doesn’t get its feelings hurt? If “laundry list” has a scandalous or exhaustive connotation, let’s give it a better word. Karen list? Just kidding, Karens! (literal Karens, not 2020 Karens.)

Tell you what, you come up with a new word and let me know.

Also, “airing your dirty laundry.” Again, poor laundry did nothing wrong and is drawn into this loaded phrase without standing a chance. I just feel like laundry’s getting the short end of the stick here.

What about “airing your dirty Karens?” Just kidding, Karens! (literal Karens, not 2020 Karens.)

Tell you what, you come up with a new phrase and let me know.

Weekend plans?

Not a whole heckuva lot, which agrees with my grandma soul. Neighbor “boo-ing,” lots of Shining reading, a run, early nights, you know.

Oh! I’ll be sharing on social tomorrow, but I want you to have this now. I’ve got another Grayson discount for you (!), but this time it’s an affiliate link. Which just means I’ll get a few pennies if you buy a Grayson shirt. So thank you in advance, because it’s likely that my kids will need braces. So here it is again! You get $25 bucks off, girl. Get IN that. They’ve got some new plaid, which I feel might be your speed. Yeah I felt that collective nod.

Have you started Christmas shopping?

Just kidding!

Wait, have you?