Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrreedeelooloolaahlaah!

UM.

Hold on.

Have any of you ever heard of this word? Pseudocyesis. (100% had to google, copy and paste.)

It’s also known as phantom pregnancy. Which, okay, I can wrap my head around. But DID YOU KNOW that with this pseudocyesis syndrome, the belly actually grows? It grows like a baby is in there because they truly believe they’re pregnant. WHAT!

I was listening to a podcast about this girl with this condition, and she told everyone she was pregnant, and her belly grew, and she had a baby shower and everything, but when it came time to have the actual baby, she went to a hospital nearby and stole a newborn in the middle of the night.

What!!! WHAT.

Aside from the horror of it all, I don’t understand it. How can a belly actually grow if there’s nothing inside growing? I truly don’t understand this. And how have I never ever ever heard about this! Have you heard about this? I feel like I’m taking CRAZY PILLS. (name that movie.)

Someone out there that understands how a physical change so dramatic and specific can occur, please explain it to me. I know it’s very rare, but still. I don’t get it.

Tell me if you’ve ever known someone with pseudocyesis! I am in the depths of intrigue.

Last night we taught the kids how to have ghost arms.

Remember ghost arms?!

Yes!! We showed them and they laughed hysterically.

I’ll jog your memory – you stand in a doorway and press the back of your hands against the frame as hard as you can. I set a one-minute timer because obviously they were whining immediately. But even after one single minute it worked! They stepped out of the doorway and their little arms started to rise and the laughter was explosive and contagious and I was immediately a kid again. It was wonderful.

And then Aaron was all, “Next time we host a sleepover let’s do the whole ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’ game.” And I was like, “I don’t actually know what that is but don’t you dare bring Bloody Mary into any of this.”

I’ve never played Light as a Feather Stiff as a Board. Never! Reminder, I had Southern Baptist parents growing up so I feel like that might have fallen under the category of Devil Work.

Do the ghost arms tonight! But leave Mary alone.

(I still can’t look in a mirror in the middle of the night. No way, Jose.)

(also I left the below photo just sliiiiiightly askew to drive my OCDers halfway to the loony bin.)

Tell me this, do you ever look at a jar (or glass) of water on the table or night stand or end table or coffee table and think, “Oh no. When did I pour that.”

Because this is what my life is. We have jars of water all over the house, totally Signs style. And I’m always like, “Wait, is that water new? Whose water is that? Is this from today? Is that mine?” And then I say, “It’s contaminated.” in a tiny girl voice and scoop up all the jars, dump in the dishwasher and start all over.

I tell great stories, don’t I?

Weekend plans?

It’s bonkers around here. The high school parade is today, which makes me feel like I’m in the middle of a Friday Night Lights Episode so give me all of that. A soccer game tonight, with the school Drive-in Movie right after! Tomorrow we’re off with some friends to see sunflowers in Lawrence. It’s like, this massive field outside of town with nothing but sunflowers. Magical. I’ll show you. A birthday party on Sunday and the Chiefs game immediately after! I’m already tired.

From this week:: Chickpea Salad with Red Onion and Cucumbers! Crazy simple. Crazy delish. And the video for ya. And then a round of Fall Favorite Things! So many goodies.

Do the ghost arms!