Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I have the CRAZIEST story for you. And it’s disgusting and mysterious and gross and weird and barfy.

Are you ready for it? (DUNNNN DUNNNN DUNNNN….)

(btw when do we think REP TV is coming?)

(never mind.)

SO, yesterday morning I was getting ready to go to an estate sale with my friend Mindy. Just doing my hair in the mirror like normal humans do. Applying a little serum. Doing a little hand scrunch thing when all of a fa-riiiiiickin’ sudden something huge and black lands in the bathroom sink inches in front of me. I screamed so loud that the entire zip code will have to be entirely rezoned based purely on the decibel quake damage.

It was . . . a centipede. I huge, gnarly centipede. At LEAST one inch long and I am not kidding you.

That . . . didn’t fall out of my HAIR, did it? Tell me it didn’t fall out of my hair. Tell me right this second that it did not jump right out of my head. I looked up at the ceiling to see our little vent/light sort of loose from the ceiling. Tell me it crawled out of that vent. Tell me that’s what happened. I would have FELT the centipede, right?

Also though, why is a centipede in the CEILING? Is that a thing? Ceiling centipedes? I’ll need counseling for the rest of my life.

Also I have a photo of it. Because of course I have a photo of it. I’ll post it in Stories if you want. But you have to CONVINCE me it fell out of the vent above and not casually from my head. I will barf forever.

Where did that centipede come from??

Aaron thinks 100% my hair (because he likes to see me suffer I guess) and Mindy thinks 100% the ceiling vent (because she is a true friend who will lie to me).

Um, did you know that Nutella is pronounced like NOO-tella?

Not NUT-ella. But NOO-tella. I’ve been living a complete lie.

This is the thing, Will’s been pronouncing it like Nootella and I’ve been all, “Bro it’s NUT-ella. Nootella sounds jank.” And he was like, “Mom, it’s Nootella. I’ll prove it.”

Little dude looked it up on the internet and sure ’nuff – NOOtella.

Nootellin’ me this entire time it’s noo-tella?

Sheesh.

(Is your head itchy? Mine totally is and I’m about to shave my head.)

Okay, I have a question for you.

When you read a book, is it YOUR voice you hear? Or do you hear any voices at all? Does the book play out like a movie in your head, or are they just words that evaporate as soon as you read them?

I’m seriously surprised at how many people that don’t VISUALIZE the scenes in a book. To me it’s a total movie in my head. But better. Better than a movie. But I also visualize the scenes like they’re being filmed.

And it’s my voice that I hear. For the most part. I think? What voice do you hear when you read?

I’m dying to know. Tell me your book perspective!

Speaking of, I’m about to finish One Perfect Couple either today or tomorrow morning and I’m HOOKED. It’s such a page turner. So insane. I have theories, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Tell me you’ve read this book. I’ll report back!

Who’s watching The Perfect Couple this weekend?! (not to be confused with ONE Perfect Couple that I just mentioned.) Eeeeee, cannot wait.

Weekend plans?

I’m playing a boozy tennis round with some friends tonight! (I’m not in their league whatsoever, just in it for the vino, vixens and volleys.), then going to nest a bit tomorrow before Jazz Fest in PV. You know my love for that festival every year. And the temps are going to be 75. I might sob forever. Soccer on Sunday! OH – this is my wagon. I keep forgetting to link it. It’s perfect and I love it and yes I need a life.

From this week::: A mixtape! All pretty jazzy. You’ll love it. And then Rosemary Chicken with White Beans! Rustic and homey, we like do. The video for ya.

That centipede came from the ceiling, right? Don’t leave me here alone in this.