Friday Flotsam

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Let’s get into hair masks!

You’re like, “Your face is a hair mask.”

Guys, I’d never even heard of hair masks until like a month ago! A MONTH AGO. And I was trying to figure out why and then remembered I’m an old lady.

Are you into hair masks? The only one I’ve tried so far is one that a sweet gal sent me from Monat. And I loved it! Apparently masks add all this silky moisture back to your hair and reduce the frizz fest rampage-alooza. I felt like my hair behaved less like a screaming toddler that week and more like a supermodel’s oily tanned leg. Which came out wrong.

My question IS: how often do you use them? Or need to use them? Or should use them? Once a week? Once a month? An hour?

Just kidding.

Half an hour?

I need more brands to try! I juuuust bought one from Trader Joe’s that I want to use. I’ll definitely slap it in this M-Day weekend and let you know how it holds up.

Are you into hair masks? Please tell me you are because I need brand inspo! Don’t leave me ALONE IN THIS WORLD.

Okay, I need your help.

You’re like, HOW DOES THIS WOMAN SURVIVE.

I have a home question. A cleaning question. A DIY-as-God-is-my-witness-I’ll-never-be-hungry-again question. Or something.

How do you get beeswax out of linen? I KNOW, I could ask the Goog, but I’ll have an anxiety attack trying to sift through all the answers. And you’re cuter.

Do you like, iron it out? Or would that press the beeswax in even further? Wash with certain detergent? Light a torch? I need a good DIY trick because I don’t want drag myself to the dry cleaner and get the stink eye from the front desk lady with the unibrow. She’s MEAN, you guys.

Oh! While I have you.

(I don’t have you.)

CAN YOU PUT ANCIENT GRAINS IN A RICE COOKER? Sorry to get so intense about this. But I feel like it would work, right?! Orrrr do you have to STIR ancient grains in a different way than rice? Or would the grains evenly simmer just like rice and absorb the same amount of liquid just like rice?

Also, just how ancient are ancient grains? I have some ancient milk in the fridge. Is that the same thing?

OH WAIT. Would I set the rice cooker for brown rice, or white rice? Because ancient grains are brown, so probably the brown rice setting. And would the liquid ratios be the same as rice? One cup of grains to two cups of water? I feel like that would work! It might not work. But it just may!

YOU KNOW WHAT, I’ll try it this weekend and get back to you.

So glad we had this talk.

So get this.

This Mother’s Day weekend, we (I!) decided that we need to set up our brand new (unused!) camping tent and sleep in the back yard tomorrow night. I knowwwww, it doesn’t really sound like me, but isn’t it sort of glampy? A tiny bit? A smidge? Rosé, a cheese board, a clean bathroom within earshot. ALSO, we’re going to project another backyard movie on the back of the house and watch something MOMMY WANTS TO WATCH. (<–sorry I said it like that.)

Problem is, I don’t know what to watch.

What’s a good summery Mother’s Day movie? There’s Father of the Bride, Dirty Dancing, I NEED SOMETHING GIRLY. But also something that Aaron won’t gouge out his eyeballs.

We might even do two movies. Something kid-friendly, then put them to sleep (in the tent! hold me.) and switch over to something more mama-friendly. (<—again, why.)

Give me movie ideas!

I realize this blog post is a bit much for you.

Weekend plans, MOMS?

I had a fabulous massage yesterday, so that treat to myself is checked off the list. I think tomorrow morning I’ll head out to garage and estate sales alone to get more inspiration for a slight patio spruce up. Think: Parent Trap 1961 meets minimal bohemian. Meets me lounging with a carafe of rosé and my giant grandma visor.

Other that, some pseudo glamping, a long run Sunday morning, followed by 13 mimosas. MOMosas? No.

Happy Mother’s Day, ladies! And to those of you still trying and struggling and barely surviving the world of infertility, your time is coming. Go easy on yourself. I ache for you and celebrate you this weekend. I hope you do the same for yourselves.

Whoa, that got serious.

Quick – BOOB! TOOT! ARMPIT!