Friday Flotsam

FRRRRrrrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR ah dah.

I’ve decided I’m not into clapping.

Clapping my hands. Not into it.

Not like, in general, but when a musician puts his/her hands above their hands holding the mic in a dramatic clap, asking the audience to clap along. Oh no. Please don’t. None of this audience can properly clap. Especially not together.

I get such anxiety when it’s time to clap. There should be no time to clap. Because some will clap on one and three, and others will clap on two and four and there’s no doubt everyone will RUSH THE CLAPPING and then the band shakes their heads and the clapping fizzles. The whole thing just fizzles away.

Shouldn’t have asked us to clap in the first place.

Because let’s be honest, other weird things happen to one’s body when one is clapping along to live music. They may sway awkwardly. Or hunch their torso to the beat in a horrific manner. It’s all just awful. Please let’s not clap anymore. Ever.

I’m great this morning! Why do you ask?

Okay, you know what else I just cannot do?

And this one’s food. *gasp!*

GAZPACHO. More like, gazpachew.

Cold soup? Pah-hass. I have yet to meet a gazpacho that I actually like. It’s like drinking salsa. And I love salsa. But one does not put a spoon in salsa for its enjoyment.

WAIT, could I just put a chip in a gazpacho and call it a day? Would that work?

Why are people eating cold soups anyway? I know it’s summer and it’s like being inside a hair dryer outside. I get that. But I will not be eating a soggy cucumber to cool down. This is what spritzers are for.

Do you eat gazpachew? Do you . . . like it? I DARE you to send me a recipe that you think I’d be into.

Try me.

But I will not be clapping along.

POLL: who here remembers cereal boxes?

Wait, I mean. Hold on. Not the ACTUAL boxes. We all know cereal boxes. But I mean like, the crazy kid designs on the back of the boxes. Remember that?! I have distinct memories of sitting at the kitchen table as a child in my nightgown zoning out to the back of the cereal box. I only ask because Will and Nat have been into Pops this summer (don’t come @ me, it’s summer cereal), and the back of that box is wiiiiild. And I was like, “do you want to stare at the back of the box while you try to wake up like I did in the eighties?” And they said no thanks.

WHAT CHILD SAYS NO THANKS TO THE BACK OF THE BOX? That’s the box’s job, man! To help wake the kid up! All those colors and scenes and cartoons! And they said no. What is even happening.

I’m gonna ask them to clap along and see what happens.

Weekend plans?

I’m leaving this Flotsam one paragraph short (feels like a limb is missing, doesn’t it?!) because my sister-in-law is in town and I need to get these cereal-box-denying kids off to their last day of camp. Also school starts in less than four weeks and I am equal parts ready for that rhythm and not ready to lose this rhythm. Four weeks left! Absurd.

From the last two weeks, in case you need more recipes and reels in your lives: Ricotta with Honey, Lemon and Chives! And here’s the video for that one. We also have dessert! A Chocolate Oat Pudding with Peanut Butter. Holy moles is that one good. Video for it! And then we have Radishes with Pesto Butter. Delish. And so simple. A how-to vid for it! And then yesterday’s Caprese Scones. To DIE for. And of course, a reel for that. I’ve been reeling in these reels. Ha! Never mind.

Tell me what’s left of summer for you. Do you still have a vacation? How’s the bucket list coming? Have you figured out today’s Wordle yet?