Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFerder.

Want to know what I love most about a court trial?

THE SKETCHES.

Who made that up, you think? It’s not because cameras aren’t allowed because we’ve all binged true crime documentaries like unhinged nutcases. Listen, you can’t have a legit trial without a solid courtroom sketch artist.

I remember being somewhat curious about them as a child. Why draw, when you could take a picture – I used to think. But now as an adult I just have this fascination with the character and nuances of these sketches and yes I’m actually saying all of this. The shadows, the muted colors, the sharpness of emotion and the squiggly pencil drawings just barely askew like wispy hair. I LOVE THEM. I could study them for hours. I might even prefer courtroom sketches over regular art, which is concrete proof I’ve been in this house far too long.

What’s your favorite courtroom sketch? (<— a sentence no human has probably ever typed.)

Here are some good ones to peruse if you need psychological help like me.

You know else what I could watch all day long?

You’re like, oh here we go.

Clips on Instagram of women putting on under-eye concealer. Yes, they’re ads, but I don’t care. I need to see it blend, okay?!

(okay, I’ve got a question about okay. we’re getting to okay in a minute. don’t let me forget, okay? okay.)

It’s like . . . what’s it called, ALSM? No. SPF? no. VHS? no. SMHL? nope.

ASMR! It’s that for me. Especially if you hear clicking fingernails or the dropper or anything whispin’ around softly in the background. Could watch that forever. Espeeeeecially if they use a little sponge to blend. GUT LAWRT, yes.

Wait, did you just x out?

Okay, we need to talk.

Gen Zers, are you seriously telling me that typing out the word okay is not actually okay? It’s now just k? Or ok? Or kk? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. How is it not okay to say okay?

Speaking of, this is one of my absolute favorite Key & Peele skits. It is hilariously perfect. There’s some cursing, if you’ve got your spawn next to ya.

Also, I’ll forever use the cry laughing emoji and we’re going to be just fine.

(gentle reminder: this comes from someone who looks at COURTROOM SKETCHES as entertainment, so.)

POOOOOOOOOLL-AH!

Do you add plant shine to your plants, or do you just wipe them down with a wet paper towel?

Yes I’m in my mid-forties, why do you ask?

Weekend plans?

I’m painting my hood! My kitchen hood. The one above the range. Solid white with brass buttons. I’ll slap it in Stories if you need some nonsense in your life.

Also, we GET ABOVE FREEZING THIS WEEKEND and I could not be more giddy. How’s the sitch where you are? Is everyone okay out there? Do you have power? Water? I ache for those who are suffering from all this weather. Let me know how you’re faring. (I almost typed farting.)

From this week, in case you missed it::: Maple-Braised Pork with Apples and Onions. Different! But really good. And our neeeew KITCHEN WINDOWS. (said like the dude from The Price Is Right) I’m in loveloveLOVE and I know you dig home stuff like this, too. (plus a discount!)

What are you baking this weekend?