Archive | Friday Flotsam

Friday Flotsam

moody flowers

FREEBIE FROOBIE FRIBAY. . . . day. I meant day. What’s the deal with the purple shirt on the lady woman emoji? Why purple? No one likes purple. Unless it’s a lavender shade, but it’s not. It’s a bright b-hole purple. And it’s supposed to represent human fashion choices?! Think again, Chachi. Why can’t we […]

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Friday Flotsam

rustic pretty

Frrrrroopy droopy doopy doo. (doo) Guys I have the most humiliating story in the entire world to tell you. You’re going to disown me. I would disown me, too. I already did. So last week, my girl Ashlee slides into my dm (just kidding) sends me a message via Facebook messenger. It’s sort of late […]

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Friday Flotsam

farmer's market strawberries

FRRRRRRRAH! duh. How are you with honking? I don’t mean like, what does it look like when your hand lays on the horn. More like, do you honk? Is honking something you’re into? Are you a breezy honker? (“You can’t say you’re breezy! It negates the breezy!”) I can’t honk. I can’t do it. Even […]

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Friday Flotsam

odd but beautiful plants

FFFFFFFFFRSAMDAYIDFLRFF. (<—miss me? don’t answer that.) Does anyone actually know what a sump pump looks like? No. No one does. Not even the men or women that install them. No one knows what a sump pump looks like. I don’t know what a sump pump looks like. It dawned on me the other day that […]

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Friday Flotsam

roses and gremlins

FLIBBERS FLOOBERS FRIDDERS DAY. My nose always itches when I run the kitchen sink water. Isn’t that weird? Always. I’ll be gearing up to tackle the dishes, completely fine, itch free, and then I flip the water on, and as soon as the water + soap touches my hands and begins to lather, my nose […]

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Friday Flotsam

pants and plants

FRRRRRRRee! Tree. Tri. Dri. Di. Fri. Day. You know how people always say, “Sorry to beat a dead horse.” That old phrase, ya know? Where did that come from? It’s so dark! And awful. How does one just throw that visual out there all casually in conversation? And why a horse? Who came up with […]

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Friday Flotsam

chamomile

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFrah rah ree ree roo roo day. I mean day! Okay. I decided that one of my least favorite things in life is the sound of an electrician or plumber. Like, the noises they make from a room away. It gives me such anxiety! I need to be AWAY from it all, I’ve decided. You […]

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Friday Flotsam

cactus

FFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRoooohah! So we need to talk. Real talk. Life talk. Serious stuff. Woman to woman. Er, fingertips to eyeballs. Can we talk about neck masks? Now before you roll your eyes all, “BEV YOU MUST ACCEPT THE WHOLE TIME CONTINUUM THING” – no. I mean yes. Yes it’s there. Yes I (sort of) accept it. […]

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Friday Flotsam

charcuterie board

FAAAAALFALRALRALDALDAL day. Dude I had the worst dream just now. Just right now before I woke up this morning. Like an hour ago. Worst dream. It was one of those anxiety dreams, you know, like when you’re on campus but you have no idea where your classroom is, or when the test is, or where […]

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Friday Flotsam

spring blooms

FLLLLLLLLLLLOTSAM COME ON DOOOOOOOWWWWWWN. Were you a latchkey kid? Do you remember latchkey kids? Do we still call them latchkey kids? As in, you got home after school and your parents weren’t there until hours later? After THEIR work day was over. Was that you? Did you absolutely love it? I never grew up that […]

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