Fiiiiiigaro, figaro, figaro, figaro, figaroooooooo. Sorry. I’m randomly using evaporated milk in my coffee this morning and I think it’s manipulating the oxygen flow to my brain muscle. I hereby do not take responsibility for what happens in this post from this point on. FIGS. Do you ever think about figs and the seductive wizardry […]
Low carb, schmow schmarb. I’m done. I hold up my white flag. I throw in my towel. I SURRENDER ALL, Y’ALL. And I’m such a freaking baby because I went, what, two entire meals without out them? Sheesh. Okay real quick, I just scraped a piece of chocolate off my neck. A piece of chocolate. […]
I guess I’m not a . . . total liar. After all, I guess it is possible to have too many bites of chewy on the inside, crusty on the outside pizza with melted, stringy mozzarella, or flaky biscuits with warm butter and jam . . . ugh, or freshly baked loaves of bread straight […]
Helloooooo, only five ingredients. I like you. Well, seven including olive oil and a garnish, but who counts those anyway? Not me. Not I. Not me. Not me! I won’t grow up, I won’t grow up. I don’t wanna wear a tie (I don’t wanna wear a tie), and a serious expression (and a serious […]
“Um, this is totally chili,” says Bev to Aaron on the hottest day in all of eternity and then some. “I know, I know. Total accident. I was going for more of a beans and rice type of thing, and adding those chicken sausages you bought the other day, which was a genius move on […]
I heard a weather report not long ago that offered some pretty strong advice for how to handle these insane drought conditions. I did. Yeah, the guy basically said the only solution right now for this national crisis is massive consumption of loaded Italian chicken sub sandwiches. But he laid it out very simply, so […]
Shooooooot, y’all. It’s double doozy doozer day. Oh my gosh do you remember the old show from 1986 on Nickelodeon called Double Dare?! Where the kids had to run through those cray obstacle courses and they’d get green slime dumped on them! And Marc Summers was the host?! I SOOO-OHOHOH-OH had a crush on Marc. […]
The first time I heard about this dish, I didn’t botch the name at all. Me, “I’ll have the chicken sharmwaramaramlarmawahllalrwah, please.” The waiter thought I was such a darling that he wiggled his naked toes right in my food. Have you shawarmalarama’d before? It’s basically a popular Middle Eastern wrap where you grill all […]
You know what the old saying is, don’t you? “When your garden has a high birthrate, immediately add to carbohydrates.” Oh you didn’t learn that in the school of lessons and life? Yeah, it was right after we learned that throwing empty locust shells on your little sister at bath time would prooooobably land you […]
Welcome to the truest love of all. It all started one evening as I was peacefully meditating in lotus pose on the veranda as the sunset cast its warmth on my body and the breeze blew through my golden locks, so carefree and whimsical. Ooooor not. Truth be told, I was actually seated in the […]
