Friday Flotsam

FREEBIE FROOBIE FRIBAY. . . . day. I meant day.

market 'maters

What’s the deal with the purple shirt on the lady woman emoji?

Why purple? No one likes purple. Unless it’s a lavender shade, but it’s not. It’s a bright b-hole purple. And it’s supposed to represent human fashion choices?! Think again, Chachi.

Why can’t we design our own shirts? Sometimes I notice the dude ones are wearing blue, but even then, it’s not the BEST shade of blue there is. Who’s behind all this pantone betrayal?! Because every time I post a woman emoji all raising her hand one like “me!”, or doing the “I dunno!” hands, or putting one hand over her face all, “ugh” – that purple mess wrecks my psyche, man.

I don’t know why we can’t be wearing, oh – a black shirt. Or a cream! Or stripes! Or a nice terra cotta cotton gauze blouse with a dainty v-neck. I mean is that so much to ask?

How do we do this?! Does anyone know how to change our outfits? Or submit an email to the emoji council with an outlined proposal from the PEOPLE? I’m writing a letter to congress.

These are the things I think about at night and all the time.

cacti heaven

GUYS!!!

(sorry, I get hyper.^)

Remember the other day when I asked you all about shows to watch that might fill the Fleabag void in my soul?

Well, it’s as if the New York Times HEARD MY CRY, and in my Thursday morning briefing (which by the way, do you subscribe to this? It is life giving. I skip all the depressing news and go straight to the culture and quizzes toward the bottom.) the T.V. critic gives us a straight-up LIST!

Apparently there’s a whole slew of us out there hungry for more Fleabag-style quirk. Have you heard of or watched any of the shows they list? Of course Crashing (I started, but only got 27 seconds in because my sister was here and she woke up from her own crashing right when I pushed play. ha! oh.) Then there’s My Mad Fat Diary (on Hulu), Please Like Me (also Hulu), and One Mississippi (TIG!! My fave – on Amazon). Have you seen any of these at all? Are they good? Lame? Skip? No? Hello?

Speaking of Tig Notaro, have you ever seen her little YouTube show Under a Rock? It is HEE-LAR. She like, doesn’t know famous people. So she interviews them and they give her clues and she sits there all, “Uhhhh I don’t know,” in that smooth nasal-y but warm delivery that only Tig can possess. It’s the best. Watch that very top one with Dawson. You’ll cry.

moody flowers

Have you ever noticed how, when the car door is locked, you try to open it really hard? And then realize it’s locked?

I don’t ever feel like I intentionally yank on a door handle, but when it’s locked and I think it’s unlocked, I’m forceful! And then I’m like, “Why did I try to open this door so viciously?” Perhaps it’s not really that hard, but my mind believe it’s locked, so I’m opening the door with the same amount of gusto, but it only feels more intense when my hand muscles realize the door handle is indeed locked.

Or maybe I’m opening the door handles with such force all the time, and I only realize it’s at an obnoxious Hulk Hogan level when it’s locked, revealing my inner extreme vigor.

Maybe I just need a taco.

tropical heaven

Okay, tell me again how to get armpit stains out!

Is it – baking soda + water? Or baking soda + dawn dish soap + water + the hair of a chinchilla?

Or is it bleach + baking soda + car oil + last night’s nightmare?

Or is it baking soda + ivory soap + two whiffs of a baby’s bum?

I know we talked about this FOR-EVAR ago (sandlot style), but I can’t remember. And I could ask Google, yes, but you’re cuter.

Help me, I’m pooooor.

Mexican feast

Weekend plans?

Today’s the kids’ last day of Kindergarten boot camp (I’m not crying, you’re crying), and Aaron’s in between writing jobs, so I think we’ll surprise them after school and head to the pool to look for Billy from Stranger Things.

On the book front – almost halfway through Dare Me! I like it, but I need something to happen happen. I feel like now that I typed out the words sumbudy’s GON’ DAH.

Weather front – 88 today, which means 94 which means more armpit stain removal party cursing time.

Food front – you saw this pasta, right? . . . Girlfriend.

Thrifting front – I pound a beautiful old cream gratin-shaped baking dish yesterday and all I can think about now is fall pasta bakes. Who here’s ready for fall eating?! <–Woman raising hand emoji in an OATMEAL THREE-QUARTER LENGTH LINEN TOP WITH A DAINTY GOLD CHAIN AROUND HER NECK.

Question – do you mow the lawn? Or your husband?

, , ,

10 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Shari August 9, 2019 at 9:06 am #
    Please Like Me is awesome - there will be another hole to fill when you finish it. One Mississippi - same. Love Tig. Have not checked out Crashing except for first 15 seconds once but was interrupted also - like by children. I also need a new show to watch/binge - gonna check out that list! Thanks! High five emoji of lady in black v-neck swing blouse.
    • Kylie August 9, 2019 at 11:57 am #
      I wash all my whites (armpit stained offenders) with 1/2 C of baking soda and 1/2 C hydrogen peroxide in addition to laundry soap and then hang em in the sunshine to dry. Never had whiter whites!
  2. Melissa August 9, 2019 at 9:52 am #
    I usually mow the lawn...my SO will do it, but I prefer to do it. The instant gratification of it is very satisfying to me.
  3. Nancy August 9, 2019 at 10:04 am #
    Definitely ready for all things Fall!! I'm ready to do some thrifting myself this weekend but I have no room for another thing in my kitchen and of course that is what I'm always drawn to! While my son is living with me, he mows the yard. Otherwise, it's all me. Happy Friday
    • Alisha Mulkey August 9, 2019 at 10:58 am #
      I mow our Yard!!! It's a Great Workout and I don't have to worry about my 3 year old because It's Daddy's job to entertain her while Momma is Mowing! Ha Mom Win! !! A sweaty alone time I actually look forward to!
  4. Nicole August 9, 2019 at 11:45 am #
    Mowing, shmowing. I offer but in such a half-hearted and unenthusiastic manner that I am not taken seriously-thank goodness! Weekend-120 mile round trip overnight bicycling/camping trip. It’s ok, there’s a brewery 1/2 mile from the campsite.....Happy weekend!!
  5. Susan August 9, 2019 at 11:59 am #
    My husband mows the yard, and I love that he does it. I’m totally capable of doing it, but I grew up on a farm that had a bazillion acres of yard to mow. So I got my fill of mowing in my early years.
  6. Meredith August 9, 2019 at 7:14 pm #
    No mowing here! I grew up with brothers and now I have a husband and two boys. I’m definitely capable however I don’t want to learn how to do it as I know it will become another one of “Mommy’s” tasks. My list is already too long, lol.
  7. Kade August 10, 2019 at 5:05 pm #
    I can’t even use those emojis all because of the purple shirt.
  8. Nicole August 10, 2019 at 8:19 pm #
    Tacos.... and margaritas!!! It fixes everything.

Leave a Reply