Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFlotsam! I mean Friday. I got confused.

roasted tomatoes

Okay, what is a weighted blanket?

BESIDES the fact that it’s a blanket that’s weighted. Der. But like, what does she do? Ever since December 26th I’ve been seeing them blanketing (haha) social media, and a lot of you told me you got one for Christmas. THEN because I did a quick peepsie search, now they’re all over my ads.

And the ads are not cute, guys.

Guys.

But like, what ARE they? Is the purpose to be heavy on you? Be hot on you? Keep you still in the night?

“In the stiiiiill of the niiiiight, I am trapped heeeeeere, covered so tiiiiiight.”

I want one.

It’s filled with what, glass beads? Plastic beads? Ancient gold jewels from yesterlore?

Thing is, I’m not anxious in the night. I’m throwing out the word anxious because when I did that mini search, the word anxiety was associated with it. And I’m not sure why. This is why I’m asking you. WHAT DOES THIS THING DOOOOOO???

Do you have one? Do they come in white? Is it life changing? Do the beads hurt?

Can I name her Martha?

downtown KC

You guys, listen to this.

So a long time ago Nat and I were on Amazon (biggest life extracurricular activity besides my treadmill) and we were ordering some little winter sweaters for her. She found this cute pale pink number, one that I actually didn’t want to stab, so I ordered it.

Right?

Right.

And then the tracking began.

AND OKAY, it was from China. As many of those random Amazon purchases are. But it was like, $12 and she’s an almost-five year old. So that’s what happens in life and I’m fine with it.

I track it. And I track it. (third largest life extracurricular activity besides the ordering and the treadmill) And it never updates.

AND THEN. I get this email from the sellers saying, “Soooo sorry, but that cute pale pink sweater that you ordered for Nat didn’t make it through customs, so we’re refunding you. K bye.” They said it just like that.

It didn’t make it through customs? GUYS WHAT WAS ON THAT SWEATER?

Customs said no?? IT IS LITERALLY PINK THREAD AND TWO BUTTONS.

Do you think there were drugs stuck up the sleeves??? Or some weird fruit sticking out the neck hole? Listen I’ve watched those shows, I know how this ish goes!

All I’m saying, is that we missed out on something major with that sweater. I will forever wonder what life opportunity passed us by with that sweater. Like a charging SWAT team of hot dudes blasting through our windows.

Just sayin’.

gremlins

Would you believe these human gremlins will be FIVE this Sunday? FIVE. YEARS. OLD.

#jowls

Remember how I was totally stressing out about throwing them a party, and then all of you sweetly convinced me that NOT throwing a party is completely and 100% okay? Well we’re totally not having a party! HOOHOOHOHAHAHAHAHA!

However.

It IS a three-day celebration, since it lands on a Sunday. Because of course they’ll celebrate today in their little classroom with all their little sticky friends with their little party hats and their little cupcakes and their little sticky fingers.

And then of course if you really want to do anything celebratory out and about, you go on Saturday to ensure the places are open.

But theeeen you can’t have an empty day on the ACTUAL BIRTHDAY, so we’ll open presents and bake a chocolate cake on Sunday.

I already need a nap.

But check this out! I came up with the PERFECT little low-key party idea for them on Sunday. I can’t wait for this, they’re going to LOVE IT.

We’re going to have . . . a sardine tasting party!

Yeah yeah! I bought three tins of sardines, all ranging from $.88 to $5.99, and we’re going to open all three tins, arrange them out on a big platter with Triscuits and hot grainy mustard, and we’re going to see if we can taste the difference between them all. Because really, is there a huge difference between the shriveled cheapies and the smoked brislings from Norway? WE’RE GONNA FIND OUT.

…………………………Just kidding.

Oh my gawd, I would have given ANYTHING to see your faces just now as you were reading this.

“Ohhhh can’t wait to read what she’s got pla-! . . . wait, what?

ANYTHING. I WOULD PAY ACTUAL MONEY DOLLARS TO SEE YOUR FACES RIGHT NOW.

And just think! Nat could have worn her rotting banana/cocaine sweater!

(I actually do have those three tins of sardines and very darn well plan to taste them all with Aaron super soon on Sunday on their birthday. The end.)

soup and sam

POLLLLLLL:

When you unload the dishwasher, what camp are you in? The camp that starts with the top rack? Or the camp that starts with the bottom rack?

You can tell a lot about a person in the way they unload a dishwasher.

(I start with the bottom. Aaron starts with the top. Should we seek counseling?)

fabric

Weekend plans?

Besides hosting your own SARDINE TASTING PARTY HELLO SEE WHAT I STARTED?

Like I blabbed about earlier, we’ve got their little sticky party at school this morning. And then tomorrow we’ll go have our traditional birthday pie for breakfast, and then spend an afternoon at Science City downtown, looking at dinosaurs and other science. And then cake, the traditional giant white balloon, and new “big kid” bikes on Sunday! The end.

I’m going to start saying “cocaine sweater” all the time.


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22 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Kate January 4, 2019 at 7:44 am #
    I'm so intrigued by the sardine tasting experiment. Looking forward to that full report. I unload the dishwasher differently every single time. This is partly because we recently got a new one (OK, it's been like a year) and I can never remember that there is a cutlery tray at the very top! So sometimes I am lazy and go for the top dish rack first, and sometimes I feel ambitious and start with the bending over to get the plates and stuff off the bottom rack. 9 times out of 10, I forget about the silverware and wonder, hours later, how I have so many clean plates and bowls but no forks or spoons, and then it dawns on me that I totally forgot about that dang cutlery tray that is so well hidden. So my dishwasher unloading unintentionally happens in stages.
  2. Kate January 4, 2019 at 8:23 am #
    Bottom rack for life. If you start with the top rack, a cup or something could still have water in it and spill all over the clean/dry plates. I'm legit weirded out by people that are top rackers. (sorry Aaron)
    • Ashley January 4, 2019 at 10:00 am #
      Exactly! There is no other way!
    • Lori H January 5, 2019 at 10:20 am #
      Ditto! no way to take out the glassware without inadvertent dripping on the lower rack.(which is a phrase you do NOT want to Google, lol)
  3. Juliette January 4, 2019 at 8:45 am #
    I love my weighted blanket. Bought it more to help with sleep, no anxiety here. Mine is 20lbs, it just kind of keeps me from tossing and turning as much as I used to. I barely notice it now, but when we go out of town, I can't sleep with out it! Unload from the bottom always, and I despise sardines!
  4. Rebekah January 4, 2019 at 9:42 am #
    Always start with the the bottom rack because you don’t want to accidentally spill water puddles that are hidden in the top rack all Over the dry dishes on the bottom.
  5. Jacquie Becher January 4, 2019 at 9:44 am #
    What a pleasant tease you are regarding the sardine party!! Laughed so hard. But, we're having another party tomorrow (4th of 5 this Christmas season) and the thought for some very strange reason prompted me to add smoked oysters to my charcuterie board for the group. You are a hoot!
  6. Emily @ The Boozy Bungalow January 4, 2019 at 10:02 am #
    I have one coming this week! I have a really hard time falling asleep at night (likely due to my ADHD, which comes along with a few mild sensory issues for me), and also really like lots of weight on me. It's supposed to help me fall asleep quickly.
  7. Berdena Sloan January 4, 2019 at 10:46 am #
    I am a take the utensils out of the door area first then bottom rack next because there is always water in a cup or container on the top shelf!
  8. Jill January 4, 2019 at 10:57 am #
    Got a weighted blanket for my 24 year old son. He works odd hours and sometimes has a hard time going to sleep after a busy night at work. In addition, he recently moved to Baltimore and is still getting used to city sounds at night. He called me after the first night to tell me he slept so well, he was late to work the next day! Ooops!
  9. Tobi January 4, 2019 at 12:01 pm #
    Am I the only one who LOLed at the rotting banana/cocaine sweater? And will continue to LOL about it for probably the next month... I am a top unloader only in that when the cycle is done, I open the machine and take out the things from the top that have water all over them, shake them out into the sink, put them back in and leave the door open for everything to air dry. After that it's a crap shoot what level gets unloaded and put away.
  10. Toni January 4, 2019 at 12:15 pm #
    Sardine tasting party! Omg...I thought..."well, HER kids are certainly more sophisticated eaters than mine ever were!"
  11. Elease @ The Sunny Side January 4, 2019 at 12:27 pm #
    I'm 97 percent sure you're drunk right now! (And I love it!) A cocaine banana sweater would have been a pretty baller gift for a five-year-old but it's probably best this way. As for the dishwasher, I'm all over the place. I remove things by category. Big things first, then by which cabinet they go in- all the glasses, all the plates. It's a freestyle situation every damn time! Sending birthday Cheers!
  12. Nancy January 4, 2019 at 12:35 pm #
    Nat looks so much like you in the picture above!! I love the rotting banana/cocaine sweater reference as well! You are definitely a hoot! Have fun with the b'day gremlins!
  13. Denita January 4, 2019 at 12:50 pm #
    Top rack. I pull that top rack all the way out, leave the bottom pushed all the way in....I don't get the bottom dishes wet, although there is the occasional rim holding water or a flipped cup that needs carefully removed and dumped over the sink...and sat out to dry a little more before I put that damp thing in the cabinet. This allows them a bit more drying time while I unload the rest of the dishwasher, where as if I started at the bottom, no drying time before they got dumped into a cabinet. (In my head, this all makes perfect logical sense)
  14. Karen Bunch January 4, 2019 at 5:55 pm #
    Bottom rack always. I love sardines, so unless you don't end up eating them Aaron, please report the difference between 88 cent sardines and $6 sardines. I can guess. Karen
  15. Amanda January 4, 2019 at 6:19 pm #
    Top rack always. What kind of animals starts with the bottom?! I feel like I need a weighted blanket so bad! I gave my husband all the hints. And for Christmas I thought he had nailed it. Turns out he got me a heated blanket. While still awesome, not what I wanted...
  16. Sandra January 5, 2019 at 8:19 pm #
    Sometimes I accidentally start with the top rack, because I blot the water that collects in the mugs and some of the glasses first (although I try to buy the ones with the flat bottoms). Stariting with the bottom rack makes the most sense! BUT if my husband empties the dishwasher, he’s welcome to do it anyway he wants!
  17. Becky K. January 6, 2019 at 8:15 am #
    Bottom rack for life, because top rack dripage is a real thing that I ain’t got time for. When your kiddos have a birthday that means my 2014 baby is not far behind and a little part of my heart breaks. FIVE YEARS OLD?! How ever did that happen? Happy birthday to your gremlins. I hope they enjoy their sardine tasting.
  18. Kate January 6, 2019 at 8:40 pm #
    My kids are now unloading the dishwasher. Whoop!
  19. Jenna White January 7, 2019 at 10:13 am #
    Bottom rack, because if I get interrupted in the unloading process, and someone comes along and puts a dirty dish in the bottom, it's ok because it won't make anything else messy. And they won't put it in the top because there's no room yet. I don't own a weighted blanket exactly but as soon as the heavy quilts go on in the fall, I start having the best sleep of my life. Maybe I do need a weighted blanket. But how can it work when it's hot out?

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