Friday Flotsam

Frah rah rah rah Freh reh reh reh Frih rih rih rih day.

GUESS WHAT.

(I’m just jumping in.)

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.

(promise I’ll simmer down.)

IT HAPPENED.

(you’re like, I’m already over this.)

I GOT THE OFFICIAL LETTER IN THE MAIL.

(you’re like, good for you, you renewed your This Old House subscription?)

I’M GOING TO JURY DUTY.

(oh.)

I’m going to jury duty!!!!

Yes I’m excited. And listen, I DO REALIZE I have to zip it past this point. But don’t you remember waaaaaaay back in the early spring when I got that initial bright yellow card in the mail with my juror number, and I had a mammoth meltdown to you because I thought I’d have to cancel all my LA/NYC/New England travel plans to sit in a courtroom and watch Michael Peterson sweat his armpits off for hours on end. Which, BY THE WAY, yes I’ve seen the Staircase. Literally (and I don’t mean literally like the Kardashians mean literally), Aaron and I literally binged that show back in 2006 in our downtown loft, when binging on Netflix wasn’t even our norm yet. When you RENTED the DVDS at Hollywood Video and played them in an actual DVD player. Of course Netflix added a few follow-up episodes (which we’ve definitely seen), but it was THAT SHOW that catapulted my forensics slash murder puzzle obsession. Do you think he did it?? I STILL DON’T KNOW.

Anyway, I’m going to jury duty in September and I can’t wait. I’m totally going to be like Jessica Day in New Girl, away for a month, in hiding, waving and slamming notes to my friends from hotel windows. Eeeee!

Naw, apparently it should last a day or two AT MOST.

I’ll definitely IG Story live the whole time I’m there!

Just kidding I won’t.

Some of you . . . aren’t so sure.

You know that phrase, “She’s girl-next-door-pretty”?

Like, what does that even mean? I mean, I know what it’s SUPPOSED to mean, but it makes zero sense when you break it down.

Every girl is the girl next door. Like, every single girl. Unless you live on the rural-y-ist of farms, the bottom of the ocean, or MARS, you have some sort of a neighbor, right? Even if it’s a mile down the road? You’re still sort of next door. In a way. Definitely and completely.

And like, MODELS HAVE NEIGHBORS. Therefore, the smokin’ hot model is the girl next door. Therefore, she’s “girl-next-door pretty”.

WHICH MEANS, we’re all equal levels of hotdom.

See how good at logistics I am?

You’re welcome.

Also, don’t answer that.

. . . I’m sorry, but I kind of feel like there might be something going on with Daddy Pig and Miss Rabbit, Mummy’s Rabbit’s twin sister.

RIGHT????

Listen, you know the scene when Daddy Pig returns all those overdue books to the library, where Miss Rabbit works (Um, one of her 14,264 jobs. Hello, she’s like Bert in Mary Poppins. Every other day she has a new job. UM, is she LOSING these other jobs? Do you thinks she has a gambling problem? Or money laundering?! Guys.), and when the little overdue alarm goes off like a nuclear bomb, and Miss Rabbit goes, “DADDY PIIIIG!” Uhhhh, that was a little flirty, Miss Rabbit. Back off, he’s a married pig, MISS RABBIT.

Guys, they do seem to be together quite a bit. And she does look at him all psycho bunny humpy like.

And Daddy Pig is the sleaziest slash murdery-iest pig there is.

I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure there’s something going on behind door number 3.

Hi, I’m Bev and I’m obsessed with YOUNGER.

omg.

Soooo many of you recommended this show to me (on Hulu) and I love it! I mean, it’s 100% not believable and pure fluff, which is exactly what I need in my life.

For those of you who don’t know what it is, it’s this brilliant mix of Sex and the City meets Gilmore Girls. Quick wit, NYC-based, polished gals living fast-paced lives in the publishing industry. A 40-year old woman (Sutton!) pretends she’s 26 to get a job in Manhattan. And then starts living this TOTALLY different (secret!) life, with hip millennial friends, a hot boyfriend with a set of chompers that could have their own Facebook page, “older” bosses her own age BUT DON’T YET KNOW. Ugh, it’s all so fun.

I’m almost halfway through season three, and I have yet to decide if I’m Team Charles or Team Josh. Truthfully, I find Charles to be a giant snooze fest. HE HAS ZERO PERSONALITY. At least Josh has passion! Dreams! ABS AND TEETH FOR DAYS.

What are you??? Team Charles or Josh? Am I completely insane for crushing on Josh?

Don’t answer that.

Weekend plans?

I’m spending every hour of this weekend prepping fooooor my Food Network shoot next week! FIVE FULL DAYS, 12 new episodes, and a freshly-shaven face.

You’re like, pass.

Speaking of, I Tinkled! Aaaand that came out wrong. I used the Tinkle and dermaplaned my face at home. TOTAL game changer. It was unbelievably easy, and now my face feels like a butterfly’s butt. It’s wonderful.

That said, I won’t be posting on the blog next week. But I’ll be back on August 14th with a super fun home design post! We re-did our dining space back in the spring, and I’ve been dying to show you the details for months. And there’s a discount involved, sooooo.