Friday Flotsam

FAAAAAAAA reh deh.

all the summer

LET’S PLAY A GAME.

You’re like, “Let’s not and say we did.”

No, listen. My friends and I have played this game for years, and it’s sort of my favorite thing in the world. And I want to see if you get a gas out of it (not to be confused with get gas), as much as I do. It’s fun, I swear! And it will make you stretch that noggin’ muscle. Which is grody to say.

It’s called, “What’s The Name of That One Movie?”

Imagine you work at Blockbuster in the ’90s, and this total idiot walks in and tries to describe a movie to you, but he can’t remember the name. And you have to figure out what movie he’s talking about, based on these extremely vague, slightly-off descriptions. And it’s like, on paper, the plot makes total sense, but no sane person would ever describe the movie this way. Got it?

I’ll start.

What’s the name of that one movie, where there’s that runaway teen girl, and she accidentally kills a lady, and then like, she goes on a road trip with three weird, older guys, and then they kill another lady, so that they can get home. What’s that movie?

Here’s another.

What’s the name of that one movie, where that ginger kid maid like, doesn’t want the million dollars, but instead she like, wants the sun or something? What’s that movie?

One more.

What’s the name of that one movie, where that babysitter like, sneaks out with these little kids because she wants to go dancing with her boyfriend? And like, she spits a lot, and everyone can fly? What’s that movie?

How’d ya do?

farmer's market tapestry

I have a confession to make.

It’s something that I’ve kept to myself for five years, and I’ve been terrified to admit it publicly.

It’s definitely not something to take lightly, as I’m afraid it may shed false light, opening a port hole to my soul that may only lead to confusion.

Phrases like, “How can this be?” and, “I thought I knew her.” and, “Where do I go from here?” are all understandably expected.

But it’s time I told you the truth about who I am. I can’t hide it any longer.

I AM OBSESSED WITH THE SONG ROAR BY KATY PERRY.

Are we okay?

Firewood and seat cushions

OMG, listen to what I did the other day.

The gremlins and I had just gotten home from a stroller stroll to a neighborhood sandwich shop. I was having a toasted buffalo chicken sandwich. Obviously. So on the sandwich, there’s ranch and hot sauce mixed together, giving it a pinkish, orange-ish hue. (I’m starving now.) We were eating outside at our picnic table, and I was sitting on an outdoor pillow thingy. I needed to adjust the pillow, so I reached down to scoot it over, and I didn’t realize that some of my buffalo sauce had dripped onto my pillow and gotten on my right hand. HUGE blob of pinkish/orange-ish buffalo sauce on my hand. So . . . I licked it.

Big lick. Giiiiant lick. Licked the whole entire blob of pinkish/orange-ish buffalo sauce right off my hand. And quickly followed with another bite of sandwich, to sort of bookend that pinkish/orange-ish buffalo sauce that I just licked into my face.

You know when you take a sip of milk, but you’re expected water? Or you take a sip of beer, but you’re expecting wine? And how your brain does this confused backflip of WTF was that?

It was sunscreen.

Sunscreen.

IT WAS SUNSCREEN IN MY MOUTH THAT I LICKED INTO MY MOUTH AND IN BETWEEN THE SANDWICH BITES INSIDE MY MOUTH.

Same color.

Same texture.

Same vibe.

SUNSCREEN.

I’m ruined forever.

(yet somehow I’m still starving.)

Wood textures

Have you ever noticed how your hair looks absolutely PERFECT five minutes before bed?

Sure, it looks like a pile of squirrel turds all day, but now you’re headed to bed, it looks like Vidal has a slow-motion BeyoncΓ© music video fan aimed at my head.

OH SURE.

Gremlin and baby goat

Weekend plans?

My ‘rents have been visiting since Wednesday, so we’re cheeeelin’ and haaaangin’ with them. Sunday night is our kickoff outdoor movie night! We decided on REAR WINDOW. Can you believe I’ve never seen it?! NEVER. Never. I know. Don’t get mad at me.

Oh also! I decided that my next T.V. binge sesh will be Dawson’s Creek. It was a poll between Ally and Dawson, and overwheeeeeeeelmingly (<–did I spell that wrong?), the response was all Dawson, all the way. Can you believe I’ve never seen it?! NEVER. Never. I know. Don’t get mad at me.

I think I’ll start tomorrow night! Wanna join?

You’re like, “Let’s not and say we did.”

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28 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Danielle Rosann Mathews May 26, 2017 at 8:42 am #

    So wait. I got the first movie and missed the other two. Where can I find the answer sheet?!

    • Bev Weidner May 26, 2017 at 9:01 am #

      Tell me your answer! I’ll reveal the answers soon. πŸ™‚

      • Danielle Rosann Mathews May 26, 2017 at 9:11 am #

        First one is WoO (trying to be clever so I don’t spoil for others…) I should know the ginger maid one- I’m a strict ginger and strong female ginger protagonists are my jam. But I’m totally blank! #ashamed

      • Jenner May 26, 2017 at 9:43 pm #

        Are we talking about our friends Dorothy, Annie, and Mary?

    • Jenna May 26, 2017 at 11:02 am #

      See, I got the second two but can’t figure out the first one!

      • Jenna May 26, 2017 at 11:17 am #

        Ohhhh I just figured it out!

      • Bev Weidner May 27, 2017 at 9:50 am #

        First one was Wizard of Oz! πŸ™‚

  2. jessy May 26, 2017 at 9:54 am #

    i love YOU miss hannigan!

  3. Melanie P. May 26, 2017 at 10:03 am #

    hahaahah the hair before bed. me everyday. so staticy and frizzy all day and then it magically looks PERFECT the moments before sleep. so uncool!

  4. Sandy May 26, 2017 at 10:23 am #

    What is it with hair??? It’s some sort of conspiracy. I’m totally middle-aged frump all. day. Then somehow, right when I’m brushing my teeth, BOOM. Total goddess. At least that’s what I tell myself.

    Speaking of BOOM. I was obsessed with “Baby You’re a Firework” so it’s all good.

  5. Anonymous May 26, 2017 at 10:24 am #

    Don’t leave the tube of hemorrhoid cream next to the tube of toothpaste!!!

  6. Amanda May 26, 2017 at 12:17 pm #

    I absolutely love ROAR! That entire is actually really good. (I’m so disappointed in what she’s released recently.)

    I’M SO EXCITED YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH DAWSON. I can’t wait to hear what you think. I expect a lot of IG videos on the subject. Will you be Team Dawson or Team Pacey?!? Hmmmm.

  7. Jessica May 26, 2017 at 1:05 pm #

    I highly recommend following James Van Der Beek on insta.

  8. Sarah May 26, 2017 at 1:48 pm #

    This is an awesome game. Wizard of Oz, Annie and… this one is fuzzy but I’m thinking Bedknobs and Broomsticks (one of the all time crazy/weird/fun-to-watch-once-you’re-a-grown-up-and-have-maybe-smoked-a-joint moives).

  9. Erica May 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm #

    I’ll do you one better than licking the sunscreen… Years ago I was in Spain siting at an outdoor cafe eating a little dish of gelatto. It was some sort of butter-brickle-ish flavor- white with little tan bits mixed all through. I noticed a blob of it on my shirt, so, of course, I licked it off. But it wasn’t gelatto… it was BIRD POOP! Family and friends still make fun of me for that one, and rightfully so. πŸ™‚

  10. Theresa May 26, 2017 at 7:10 pm #

    Where did those chair cushions come from?! Love them

    • Bev Weidner May 27, 2017 at 9:50 am #

      I thrifted them from an estate sale πŸ™‚

  11. Danielle May 27, 2017 at 12:38 pm #

    Three of my favorites! I love this game!!!
    Those cushions are suspiciously white considering said buffalo sauce and sunscreen and gremlins…. and they were thrifted? Damn, Bev. skills.

  12. Bryn Broussard May 27, 2017 at 1:31 pm #

    #3? Help!

    • Bev Weidner May 27, 2017 at 8:11 pm #

      Mary Poppins! πŸ™‚ “spit spot!”

      • Bryn Broussard May 28, 2017 at 5:28 am #

        How did i not get that?!? Thanks!

  13. lisatberry May 28, 2017 at 6:24 am #

    OMG Rear Window is awesome!!! I’ve easily watched it a 100 times..you will have a huge girl crush on Grace Kelly when it’s over…her clothes…her voice and how cool her character is in the movie…I adore her…and don’t even get me started Jimmy Stewart…

  14. Becky K. May 28, 2017 at 3:02 pm #

    YASSS to Dawson’s Creek, which should’ve been named Joey’s Creek. Just sayin’.

  15. Klara Donovan May 28, 2017 at 11:30 pm #

    Dawson took me a while to get into, but it felt worth it in the end. Buuuut then it also took me over a season before I got into One Tree Hill and then I finally understood the rest of the world’s obsession. So maybe I’m just a slow taker.

  16. Christi May 30, 2017 at 12:31 am #

    oh ma gawd – the suncreen bit killed me. And yes, my hair always looks amazing right before bed too. And no one is there to admire it’s awesomeness.

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