Friday Flotsam

f                                   r                           i                    day.

Wine and Tiramisu with Sis

I accidentally bought flavored coffee so I’m extra murdery right now.

WHO MAKES FLAVORED COFFEE? WHY? Why would someone do that to coffeeeeee?! The greatest body fuel of all time! (never mind water, leafy greens, all berries, whole grains, and other yawn-a-licious stuff like that.)

But coffee! COFFEE. What is this, 1988? No need to flavor, folks. Don’t even do this to me.

And listen to the flavor – CARAMEL. o.h.g.a.w.d.n.o.

However, I think we can all agree that hazelnut-flavored coffee is the biggest abomination to all historical and current mankind. I cannot even imagine what the person who invented hazelnut-flavored coffee thinks about himself. I mean, how low do you have to feel if one day you’re like, “Ooooo I think I’ll flavor my perfect morning beverage with squirrel feces!”

You’re probably like, why did you buy caramel coffee, Bev? What happened in your life that brought you to this horrific pivotal moment? What is WRONG with you, Bev?

Well, remember when my coffee grinder gave me the bird? I finally got around to ordering a new one, but it doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I ran out of coffee grounds yesterday (gah – I mean ground coffee! I keep saying coffee grounds, so it sounds like I’m referring to used coffee grounds that I’m going to add to a dying potted plant or my face) so I had to buy ground coffee on a whim, and I just grabbed it! Didn’t really even look. Worst mistake of my life.

That and the time I accidentally watched Slugs as a kid, and witnessed an arm amputation in a garden because a giant slug was eating it whole, and I haven’t slept since.

Wait, I’m serious about the coffee-on-the-face thing.

Kitchen Counter Cousins

I have a confession to make.

Since we’re on the subject of worst food and drink inventions ever.

Do you want to know what I can’t stand? You’re going to freaking flip out. Don’t get mad me.

I absolutely cannot stand chocolate + fruit.

Hold on, listen!

Like, a chocolate bar speckled with strawberry, or something awful like that.

NO. no.

OR! And this going to make you want to chop my hand off in a garden – I can’t deal with chocolate and MINT together. Uhhhhh nuh UH. Chocolate and mint?! Chocolate does not need to make your breath minty fresh. Mints do that. Not chocolate. Chocolate is supposed to sooth your battered emotions and pat your head and call you Frank.

Now, chocolate and nuts together? Absolutely. That works. You get crunch, you get chocolate. But if you even try to add fruit or mint to my chocolate I will karate pow you.

(The next part of this blog post will turn things around.)

(Maybe.)

Golden & Pine in Brookside (KC)

So you know my obsession with ghosts. (!!)

Well listen to this. We bought the gremlins old-school Walkie Talkies for Christmas, AND YOU CAN HEAR REAL LIFE GHOSTS IN THEM.

Or, radio frequencies that pick other neighborhood kids, sure. Or GHOSTS.

I didn’t realize you would even be able hear other kids nearby! It’s so weird! I get chill bumps every time I hear a rando tiny kid voice pop through all, “Mommy? Is that you?” And I answer back all, “OMG THIS IS LIKE THAT MOVIE SIGNS. Mel Gibson! Are you there?! YOUR WIFE IS AT PEACE NOW.”

Aaron is positive I need to be admitted.

That loony bin better not have flavored coffee, is all I’m saying.

Cousins at play

I need some cleaning advice.

Oh, I already have a bar of soap in my mouth – it’s not that.

But my SOFA, man. I am telling you, with two kids and a dog, (and a wine drinker) that thang be straight pathetic. I’ve tried a few different upholstery cleaners, like the foamy stuff in a can that you spray and rub and leave overnight to dry. But nothing is REALLY really working. And I need something to REALLY really work.

Do you have any good upholstery cleaning recommends? There are soooo many options, and I get super overwhelmed with ish like this. I just want these blasted stains GAWN. I don’t even mind cleaning it once a month! I’ll commit. I can do that.

Unlike a certain character on Giiiilmore Giiiirls, oooooooooo. (12 more episodes, btw. D Y I N G.)

Toddlers in Winter Window

New Year’s Eve plans? We’re going to be hardcore party animals and order Indian take-out, work on a puzzle and head to bed around 8:30pm.

Hahahaha, I’m kidding! Probably like 9.

Listen. And I’m serious. I’m seriously serious. I just wanted to take a second to let you all know JUST HOW MUCH I deeply appreciate you. You coming here to this loony little slice of the web, listening to my constant insanity, talking to me, bonding with me, making my recipes, avoiding my DIYs, and not turning me into the police on a daily basis. Thank you. Every single follower, every single reader, every single comment, every single interaction we share means the whole world to me. Thank you dearly for making 2016 so freaking incredible. Here’s to 2017! Can’t wait to see where it takes us all!

But if you even try to get me to drink more flavored coffee we will need to talk.

Happy New Yeeeeeeear!

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27 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Jamey December 30, 2016 at 8:16 am #

    Oh my GOD, THANK YOU. I also hate flavored coffee with a passion, but there is a place reserved in hell for hazelnut. My sister drinks it and it ruins every cup she uses. I GAVE her my coffee maker after she made some in it once because it ruins everything it touches.
    Happy New Year!

  2. Dana December 30, 2016 at 9:21 am #

    I was in such a foul mood ( I think bc I ate oatmeal for breakfast….WHY????) and this post made me laugh and now I’m happy! I would bite the bullet and call Stanley Steemer or whatever professional carpet cleaner is in your area. They do upholstery and tile floors, etc… They would get your couch clean and then maintenance would be a breeze.

  3. Simone December 30, 2016 at 10:21 am #

    I second the chocolate and mint together. Absolutely not. Never. And definitely not in ice cream.

  4. Amanda W. December 30, 2016 at 10:25 am #

    Agree with you on the chocolate. Like it’s perfect as is, don’t add stuff to it (especially mint – don’t get me started!). Gilmore Girls. I could talk about it for hooooours with you. But I won’t. Same about NYE…visiting my sister to hang out with her puppy (and kinda her) and probably won’t make it to 11. I’m a semi-new reader and hands down you’re my favorite blog to read and your snaps make my work day just that much brighter. Plus your kids are adorbs (do you mind me saying that? okay good). Happy New Year!

  5. Turner December 30, 2016 at 10:38 am #

    I completely agree with you about the fruit and chocolate thing (although, twist my arm, maybe bananas.) But, I totally LOVE hazelnut coffee! LOVE! LOVE!

  6. mrsugarbears December 30, 2016 at 11:11 am #

    Your adorableness always makes me so happy. Thank YOU for bringing so much joy to all of our lives. And don’t get me started on your cute little ones. 🙂
    I have no advice on the sofa, though. Life is hard on em’

  7. Adie December 30, 2016 at 11:51 am #

    I hear you, hazelnut flavored coffee- the devil’s juice! If I smell it I gag! Also, no fruit or mint in chocolate. It’s like some chocolate maker was sitting around, drunk and/or high probably, and was like “huh huh, yo, you know what would be totally disgusting? Let’s do it!” Just give me chocolate, preferably dark, and leave that other ish out of it.
    Happy New year Bev, thank you for making me laugh in 2016!

  8. Sil December 30, 2016 at 11:58 am #

    Can I just tell you how sad I will be when you finish Gilmore Girls?! I watched it last year at about this time and none of my friends were into watching it! So I have loved all of your posts and snaps and insta-stories about Gilmore Girls and I would TOTALLY buy one of your shirts!! Last month my husband told me he wants to buy an old jeep for his backpacking trips and last night he bought one that looks EXACTLY like Lorelai’s jeep!! Different year but same color and very similar! I’m dying!! I just had to tell someone who would get it!!

    Agreed -Coffee should NEVER be flavored!

    LOVE your blog!! Happy New Year!!

  9. Lori S. December 30, 2016 at 12:12 pm #

    I am dying over this post because a.) I like flavored coffee although not as much as I used to and there for awhile my go-to was hazelnut and b.) I love chocolate and mint together – do you hate all chocolate and mint, like ice cream or just mint flavored chocolate? I need to know. 😉 Happy New Year!

    • Bev Weidner December 31, 2016 at 12:25 pm #

      Hahahah! I basically can’t deal with any form of the two together. Andie’s mints, chocolate mint ice cream, chocolate mint bar, peppermint york thingies – all no. Just no. 🙂

  10. Emily @ Life on Food December 30, 2016 at 1:01 pm #

    We always get Thai take out and are lucky to make it till 9pm. And the chocolate, yes, yes and yes. Why would you ruin it with some other add in. Chocolate and orange is the worst!

  11. Tracy December 30, 2016 at 1:10 pm #

    I’m not sure what kind of fabric your couch is, but if it’s microfiber, my friend swears by windex. Also, I hate fruit in my chocolate, but I love hazelnut coffee, especially when camping.

  12. Lynn December 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm #

    Chocolate and fruit (especially ORANGES) is the worst. Those giant foil-wrapped orange shaped chocolates? Why??? My coworker and I got fancy chocolate bars from a production company. Mine was dark choc w/ salt (win). She started saying something about chocolate-orange and I just stopped listening – no chance of trading, sorrrrrry.

  13. Lionel Gandy December 30, 2016 at 3:37 pm #

    To start with, I HATE ANY FLAVOURED COFFEE. My mom would say try it and I would say If I want f#$king chocolate I’ll eat a choco bar: If i want tf#^&king hazelnut, I’ll eat nuts. I’m totally with you on that one. As for wine stains on the couch, I found a product that works great, even the next day!! It’s called FOLEX instant carpet spot remover and multi-purpose stain remover, quickly removes grease, dirt, grime, WINE, coffee, food, rust, blood, makeup,pet accidents.Many times I’ve fallen asleep with a glass of red in hand and you know the rest..Comes in a 32 oz. spray bottle. I don’t remember the price and don’t care; when it runs out, I’ll rebuy. One of the few products that does what it says it will do. Spray it on, scrub with a wee brush and it’s gone. Maybe we can try the hazelnut coffee and see if it removes stains. Good luck.

  14. Melissa December 30, 2016 at 3:47 pm #

    1. Anyone who flavours caffeine should be sentenced to be Rick Astlied.i don’t know why that’s bad though. Sad because I used to like that song …never gonna give you uuup neva gonna le-damn it!

    2. The combination of fruit and chocolate comes from the same people who believe mashed cauliflower tastes like mashed potatoes. Noooo…equally good no need to mess with them.
    3. And as for the Chocolate and mint, well girl, you’re just wrong.
    Love your posts, all the way from Prince Edward Island

  15. Susan December 30, 2016 at 5:36 pm #

    First of all, ALL flavored coffee should be outlawed !! Coffee tastes delicious…..end of story. Secondly, yes, let’s vow to keep chocolate and fruit separated at all costs !! And thirdly, we swear by this cleaner for upholstery; it takes out pretty much any stain. Xtreme Solutions X-Foam Professional Strength Fabric and Carpet Cleaner. We buy it on-line.

  16. Rachele December 30, 2016 at 7:21 pm #

    Sorry bae…you’re totes cray.

    Hazelnut favored coffee is good, and chocolate dipped fruit is too. You’re right most days. Today is not one of them.

    Ok…love you…buh-bye!

    :-*

    • Rachele December 30, 2016 at 7:23 pm #

      PS…

      I also heart chocolate mint. Just yelled at the hubs for eating my last chocolate peppermint ice cream bar. Luckily for him Monday is a holiday so the courts won’t be open for me to file for a conscious uncoupling.

    • Bev Weidner December 31, 2016 at 7:49 am #

      Bahahahah! I’m dying laughing. I can handle strawberries DIPPED in chocolate, but if any fruit is packed inside a chocolate BAR? There will be words. 😉

  17. Terri December 30, 2016 at 10:58 pm #

    I’m with you on all fronts….flavored coffee, chocolate and fruit (exception -> fondue), and favored creamers (not mentioned, but equally icky!).
    For stain removal – H2O at Home, netepur (car or roller). THE best ever thing for stains (clothes, rugs, ANYTHING!). I can’t live without it!!

    • Terri December 30, 2016 at 11:46 pm #

      *flavored coffee creamers. *netepur (bar or roller).
      I should proof read before I hit the buttom – sheesh!

  18. Lanette December 31, 2016 at 12:54 am #

    Hazelnut coffee = the worst.
    Good, quality, fresh coffee plus half and half…thank you very much.
    But a York Peppermint Patty, now that just works. 🙂

  19. Klara Donovan December 31, 2016 at 6:31 am #

    Once I accidentally bought caramel-flavoured hot chocolate powder. It was right next to the chocolate-flavoured one, there had never previously been a caramel-flavoured one in the range, I didn’t look. Fail. I hated it. Until I didn’t. It slowly became less gross to me, and then it became good, and then I don’t know, I guess it became delightful. Or something. Anyway I never found it on the shelves again. It’s fine, I’m over it, I just wish it had never come into my life to begin with. Anyway I hope you survive your caramel coffee season with grace and aplomb. With every cup, the season will grow shorter. Put it down to character building?

  20. Joni January 1, 2017 at 3:53 pm #

    Happy New Year! I’m totally with you on the flavored coffee thing — and the flavored creamer thing. Yuck! I seriously gag if I catch a whiff of it when it’s brewing.

    Chocolate with fruit in it = why? Why would anyone do that? But I’m the same way about fruit in my food, with the exception of salads. Please don’t put fruit on my pizza. Please! Have to disagree about mint, though. Mint and chocolate just works for me. But orange?! Ack!

    Good luck with your sofa. Keep us posted.

  21. Nix January 3, 2017 at 4:07 am #

    You are an absolute joy! Happy new year to you and your gorgeous family!
    Looking forward to hearing all the craziness 2017 has in store for you! Ha ha!!

  22. Daniela January 5, 2017 at 10:22 pm #

    lol yaaaas my couch is straight up filthy. I swear my daughter drops food on it everyday and I curse the heavens.

  23. Lindsay January 6, 2017 at 7:02 am #

    Worry No More microfiber cleaner! It seriously makes stains disappear and I’m a little afraid to know what’s in it. It completely took care of our twins blueberry vomit on the living room rug and virtually any stain that makes my eyes roll back in my head. It’s a little hard to find- I just ordered 2 kits off EBay.

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