f r i day.
I accidentally bought flavored coffee so I’m extra murdery right now.
WHO MAKES FLAVORED COFFEE? WHY? Why would someone do that to coffeeeeee?! The greatest body fuel of all time! (never mind water, leafy greens, all berries, whole grains, and other yawn-a-licious stuff like that.)
But coffee! COFFEE. What is this, 1988? No need to flavor, folks. Don’t even do this to me.
And listen to the flavor – CARAMEL. o.h.g.a.w.d.n.o.
However, I think we can all agree that hazelnut-flavored coffee is the biggest abomination to all historical and current mankind. I cannot even imagine what the person who invented hazelnut-flavored coffee thinks about himself. I mean, how low do you have to feel if one day you’re like, “Ooooo I think I’ll flavor my perfect morning beverage with squirrel feces!”
You’re probably like, why did you buy caramel coffee, Bev? What happened in your life that brought you to this horrific pivotal moment? What is WRONG with you, Bev?
Well, remember when my coffee grinder gave me the bird? I finally got around to ordering a new one, but it doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I ran out of coffee grounds yesterday (gah – I mean ground coffee! I keep saying coffee grounds, so it sounds like I’m referring to used coffee grounds that I’m going to add to a dying potted plant or my face) so I had to buy ground coffee on a whim, and I just grabbed it! Didn’t really even look. Worst mistake of my life.
That and the time I accidentally watched Slugs as a kid, and witnessed an arm amputation in a garden because a giant slug was eating it whole, and I haven’t slept since.
Wait, I’m serious about the coffee-on-the-face thing.
I have a confession to make.
Since we’re on the subject of worst food and drink inventions ever.
Do you want to know what I can’t stand? You’re going to freaking flip out. Don’t get mad me.
I absolutely cannot stand chocolate + fruit.
Hold on, listen!
Like, a chocolate bar speckled with strawberry, or something awful like that.
OR! And this going to make you want to chop my hand off in a garden – I can’t deal with chocolate and MINT together. Uhhhhh nuh UH. Chocolate and mint?! Chocolate does not need to make your breath minty fresh. Mints do that. Not chocolate. Chocolate is supposed to sooth your battered emotions and pat your head and call you Frank.
Now, chocolate and nuts together? Absolutely. That works. You get crunch, you get chocolate. But if you even try to add fruit or mint to my chocolate I will karate pow you.
(The next part of this blog post will turn things around.)
So you know my obsession with ghosts. (!!)
Well listen to this. We bought the gremlins old-school Walkie Talkies for Christmas, AND YOU CAN HEAR REAL LIFE GHOSTS IN THEM.
Or, radio frequencies that pick other neighborhood kids, sure. Or GHOSTS.
I didn’t realize you would even be able hear other kids nearby! It’s so weird! I get chill bumps every time I hear a rando tiny kid voice pop through all, “Mommy? Is that you?” And I answer back all, “OMG THIS IS LIKE THAT MOVIE SIGNS. Mel Gibson! Are you there?! YOUR WIFE IS AT PEACE NOW.”
Aaron is positive I need to be admitted.
That loony bin better not have flavored coffee, is all I’m saying.
I need some cleaning advice.
Oh, I already have a bar of soap in my mouth – it’s not that.
But my SOFA, man. I am telling you, with two kids and a dog, (and a wine drinker) that thang be straight pathetic. I’ve tried a few different upholstery cleaners, like the foamy stuff in a can that you spray and rub and leave overnight to dry. But nothing is REALLY really working. And I need something to REALLY really work.
Do you have any good upholstery cleaning recommends? There are soooo many options, and I get super overwhelmed with ish like this. I just want these blasted stains GAWN. I don’t even mind cleaning it once a month! I’ll commit. I can do that.
Unlike a certain character on Giiiilmore Giiiirls, oooooooooo. (12 more episodes, btw. D Y I N G.)
New Year’s Eve plans? We’re going to be hardcore party animals and order Indian take-out, work on a puzzle and head to bed around 8:30pm.
Hahahaha, I’m kidding! Probably like 9.
Listen. And I’m serious. I’m seriously serious. I just wanted to take a second to let you all know JUST HOW MUCH I deeply appreciate you. You coming here to this loony little slice of the web, listening to my constant insanity, talking to me, bonding with me, making my recipes, avoiding my DIYs, and not turning me into the police on a daily basis. Thank you. Every single follower, every single reader, every single comment, every single interaction we share means the whole world to me. Thank you dearly for making 2016 so freaking incredible. Here’s to 2017! Can’t wait to see where it takes us all!
But if you even try to get me to drink more flavored coffee we will need to talk.
Happy New Yeeeeeeear!