Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

My feet hurt. The end.

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

Just kidding! My feet and my back hurt. The end.

Would you just look at that photo? They were ONE. That was an entire YEAR ago. Over 52 WEEKS ago. Two hundred and thirty five glasses of WINE ago.

It’s like, their little faces have changed, but they haven’t. Their little souls have matured and evolved, yet they still act like turds on speed. Their little bodies have lengthened and grown slightly taller, yet my belly still looks like a giant iguana just flipped everyone off and shed its skin.

In short: they’re out to get me.

Let’s talk about the last year, shall we?

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

1) I Run Craft Service:

Did you that the synonym of Mom is Caterer? You guys, it’s like I live on the set of a crappy B movie, and all the underpaid actors are in crank-a$$ moods, and have zero clue what they’re in the mood to eat. Yet somehow they eat everything and nothing. While throwing it all on the floor. And on the ceiling. And at the dog. And at me. All the time. While crying. Unless Elmo’s on, which . . . we’ll discuss that in a little bit.

All day every day I shuffle from the stove, to the microwave, to the fridge, to the toaster oven, back to the stove, “What can I get you? Are you hungry? Do you want an apple? How about some cheesy toast? What about a scrambled egg? More milk? Orange juice? Peanut butter? A slice of my battered soul? USE YOUR WORDS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT OR ELSE YOU WILL SEE ME ON COPS.”

This is why I’m taking collagen powder, you guys.

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

2) And In This Corner, We Have . . .

. . . Natalie “Never Naps” Weidnerrrrr, weighing in at a solid 25 pounds, with a stack of deliciously deadly arm rolls with their own criminal record. And over in this corner we have, William “Whiney Mug” Weidnerrrr, also weighing in right at 25 pounds, with a head of hair so white blonde your soft contact lenses will explode right out of your eyeball sockets.

Don’t get me wrong – they’re total buds. They play well together (for the most part), still sleep in the same room (we’re pushing this as LONGASWECAN), and are starting to somewhat hone their craft for sharing (in my wildest dreams). BUT – you would not believe how innately competitive they are. But only with Aaron. Like two hungry wolves that just discovered a rotting bear in the middle of the cold, winter forest. Sorry I used that analogy, Aaron.

You should see it – they will claw their way up his body in a race like he’s freaking Mount Fatherest or something. I’m like, “Why don’t you guys fight over me?!” The only time they compete for my attention is when I’m on my computer. Oh sure, nooooow they want Mama. When I’m trying to PIN MY PASTA BOLOGNESE TO PINTEREST. Pfft!

Honestly, I think it’s because Aaron’s the “fun” parent. He’s the one that makes pillow piles and rolls around on the floor tickling them, while I’m usually the one preparing dinner or picking up that hour’s mess. I truly don’t resent our roles. I LOVE that he plays with them so much. But someone has to sweep. Someone has to load and unload the dishwasher 15,923 times a day. Someone has to take baby wipes and meticulously wipe those little nasty spaces at the base between each crib bar. You know how grody those little spaces get? Oh my gah, so much dog hair. I have no idea how. But I’m not OCD or anything.

And while he definitely helps clean, I’m just a weeee bit type A control freak maniac and prefer to obsess over it all myself.

This is why I’m taking collagen powder, you guys.

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

3) What To Do When You Can’t Do Anything:

My goodness, one to two is a tough age for littles. They’re too big to sit around and stare at each other’s drool all day, yet they’re too small to ride rides, jump off diving boards, roller skate, play an old fashioned arcade video game, or to understand why their mom is hitting on those creepy electronic animals at Chuck E Cheese. Not that this has ever happened! I think.

At this age, my only job is to not let them fall off a cliff, tango with a barb wired fence or try to drive a semi. Who has time for healthy activities when I’m trying to keep them from eating that dead mouse in the garden?

This is why they sit in the bathtub all day while I Snapchat. What, it is SAFE.

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

4) Nok, Hawk Uh, and Bayo Wayas:

Obviously that’s “milk,”thank you,” and . . . well, we have yet to figure out what “bayo wayas” is. Nat’s been saying those two words for WEEKS now, and we’re about to come unhinged trying to figure it out. I’m like, constantly in her face all, “Bayo . . . what is bayo!? Are you trying to say beautiful? Like mommy is devastatingly beautiful? Is that it, sweet girl?” She just looks at me and slithers her tongue through her teeth gap. My guess is that she’s a government spy, wearing a wire and “bayo wayas” is code for, “THEY WON’T LET ME WATCH ELMO TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS.” We’ll talk about Elmo in a sec, I swear.

Watching speech development of two little kids, who are in the same home environment, reading the same books, in the same daily routine, is nothing short of a trip for us. I know I know, girls are quicker to develop than boys. I get it. But it’s a real struggle not to compare, ya know? Not compare is in, “WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR SISTER,” which I’ve never said. Never! Maybe a few times. But more like, simply comparing the growth track, side by side. However, I can happily report that Will’s getting much better with his speech! He can count to ten (you get pregnant just hearing it), has an adorable array of words that sends me into a fit of sobs every time he talks. It is beyond cute. And you know what, we’ll get there. He’ll get there. He’s just being Will. And I have to be patient. (<-in my dreams)

Actually, the day he stops saying “nok” for milk, I will never love again. (name that movie)

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

5) Keeping Up and Staying Hip:

You might be surprised to know that as a mom of twins, I’m actually very on top of today’s pop culture. No, it’s true! I’m totally in the know of all the new songs, new artists, actors, athletes and groups of today. Mind you, it’s via the celebrity duets with Elmo on Sesame Street, but I am in the loop, darn it!

Talk about walking clichés, I cannot believe how much they love Elmo, you guys. I’m trying to figure out what happens in the DNA makeup during pregnancy that will later make the child a certified psychopath for Elmo. If you don’t think this will happen to your child, you are living a lie. Just prepare yourself now. Take the collagen powder.

Truthfully, I can dig Elmo. Even though sometimes I want to tell him to go to hell-mo. His high-pitched innocent baby voice makes me giggle so hard, especially when he’s dressed as a butterfly and sings about being best friends with little fluttering butterflies and flapping their little butterfly wings together in world peace and harmony. It is absolutely hysterical. It’s hilar-mo.

Still trying to get them on board with Law and Order, though.

Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

6) I Mean, Come On:

Yes, I get up multiple times a night to fetch a rogue paci. Yes, I witness immeasurable meltdowns over a bouncy ball that won’t fit into a tiny lip balm cap. No, I don’t shower until after lunch time, when they hopefully nap for the one hour a day that I have to catch up on emails or pin that blasted recipe to Pinterest. No, my house still isn’t clean. No, my hair is definitely not washed. Yes, my eyebrows still have issues.

And there’s no other place in the entire world I’d rather be. Without question.

Will and Natalie – they truly are charming kids. They have a breed of infectious personalities that could never translate to an Instagram photo or a blog post. It blows my mind how much they’re growing, learning, singing, jumping, playing, squealing, discovering, beating each other up (<-no really), hugging and kissing each other (<-you’d pee your face).

And it just keeps getting better. And better. And better.

So, here’s to year three! With forward-facing car seats, the transformation to toddler beds, potty training (help), and more Elmo. Definitely more Elmo.

Wait, I mentioned the collagen powder, right?

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34 Responses to Thoughts On This Whole Motherhood Business: Year Two

  1. Trish January 19, 2016 at 7:52 am #
    Oh Bev...it's tough being the mamma of two...BUT..and forgive me for saying this...this was pure GOLD. And you nailed it :-) They're exhausting but so beautiful and so much fun. Mine are going to be 17 this year and I still love that I have been blessed with them despite them being the biggest pains and drains (haha) Thank you for this Tuesday morning smile You're doing such a fantastic job :-)
  2. Alyson January 19, 2016 at 9:00 am #
    Loved this one, thank you! Keep up the good work mom!
  3. nicole @ I am a Honey Bee January 19, 2016 at 9:02 am #
    so this collagen powder that you speak of... how can i order mass quantities of that? my 2 year old is addicted to disney. ALL THINGS Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse Waffles every day for breakfast, Minnie Mouse socks, Minnie and Daisy shirts, Sophia pajamas, The Lion Guard on repeat, etc etc etc. how? how did disney get this hold on her?!?!?!? And don't get me started on the stuffed animals. The BIG Minnie, the clapping Mickey, the singing Mickey. SO MANY!!! (and believe me, I don't buy them... that's all thanks to the grandparents!!!!) And I can't figure out Bayo Mayas is. I've had my husband weigh in too (via snapchat) and he can't figure it out either. Good luck!
  4. Ashley January 19, 2016 at 9:10 am #
    Love x10000000.
  5. Kim January 19, 2016 at 9:34 am #
    Is she trying to say water bottle? Sometimes my three year old switches the order of words in phrases. It can be confusing/irritating/adorable all at once!
  6. Liz A January 19, 2016 at 9:40 am #
    Love this, you are doing SUCH A GREAT JOB, Bev!! <3
  7. Julie January 19, 2016 at 10:08 am #
    Ahhh I remember Elmo! (My daughter is 16.) Thank the heavens & the stars & everything that is holy that they haven't discovered Barney! If you know what's good for you, don't ever let them be exposed. After watching "Barney Goes to the Zoo" every day for approx. 6 mos. straight (I don't think that's an exaggeration), I woke up in the middle of the night w/ the songs going thru my head & couldn't get back to sleep forever!!! Coincidentally the tape "broke" the next day. No more Barney. RIP Barney, you psychotically cheerful giant purple dinosaur. :(
  8. Melanie January 19, 2016 at 10:30 am #
    princess bride ;)
    • Melanie January 19, 2016 at 10:31 am #
      bananas???
  9. Lisa January 19, 2016 at 11:01 am #
    My kids loved Elmo too. They're 17 and 15 now but we watched Elmo on Sesame Street and Elmo in Grouchland (which is pretty good really - or else I'm brain washed) a million times. Your kids are adorable. My 15 year old didn't talk until he was 2 and then just let loose with complete sentences. He didn't have to talk since his brother got him everything he wanted so don't worry about differences. They're two different people. Mine are complete opposites of each other. It's strange but fun. Enjoy the littles even though it's exhausting. You'll blink and they'll be old and try to drive you crazy in far different and infinitely more costly and annoying ways.
  10. Andrea @ This Knitted Life January 19, 2016 at 11:20 am #
    I am right there with you. Craft Service! I love! Just wait until they get into Paw Patrol....
  11. McKenzi January 19, 2016 at 11:49 am #
    The three day potty training module with save your life. Just. Do. It. Easiest potty training ever!
  12. Mo January 19, 2016 at 1:15 pm #
    Just throwing this out there. When I was about Nat's age I would say "bayo welp" which my mother figured out meant "by yourself" which I actually meant as "by myself" No idea on wayas, though,
  13. Megan@Cozy Eats January 19, 2016 at 4:03 pm #
    Your snaps with Natalie saying "Bayo Waya" were killing me. You will have to update us all when you figure out what she means. :)
  14. Eden Passante January 19, 2016 at 4:16 pm #
    SO precious! Nothing better than being a Mom!
  15. Rachel Taylor January 19, 2016 at 4:54 pm #
    This post hit me right in my ovaries! So cute and hilarious! Your snaps are my favorite!
  16. Rachel January 19, 2016 at 5:55 pm #
    I have 20 month old twins and feel like you just wrote about my life! Except that mine fight over me especially when cleaning, cooking, etc. Its so much easier to cook your recipes with babies clinging to my legs and screaming!
  17. Alanna January 19, 2016 at 6:22 pm #
    Thank you! That is all.
  18. Angela January 19, 2016 at 8:27 pm #
    Love. All of it. By yourself? Mind your manners? When pigs fly? Good luck!
  19. Michelle @ Feed Me I'm Hungry January 19, 2016 at 9:22 pm #
    Absolutely loved this post. Literally made me laugh out loud. In fact, I think yours is my new favorite blog! Happy birthday to your little ones. Enjoy them! It goes so fast... My oldest is 6 already! (When did that happen?!)
  20. Liz P January 19, 2016 at 9:56 pm #
    It has been such a joy to watch them grow and to watch you and Aaron with them! Thank you for sharing them with us. I will now proceed to walk around my apartment saying "bayo wayas" out loud to see if I can figure it out. Bare wires? Bao wolf? Scott Baio? Mayo waters? I'll keep working on it.
  21. Anonymous January 19, 2016 at 10:09 pm #
    I.don't.have.children. (yes you read that correctly) but I enjoyed this post very much. And the twin pics are beautful. It amazes me how they cooperate with one another at their age (at least for the photos)
  22. Bekah January 20, 2016 at 6:11 am #
    So, I am not a child language expert by any stretch of the imagination, I don't even have kids. But, my oldest nephew used to say "DATWAS!" and for the longest time we couldn't figure out what it meant. Finally, we realized it was his equivalent of "I want to do it myself, leave me alone!" For instance, when we tried to help him eat, "DATWAS!" Maybe "Bayo Wayas" is Natalie's equivalent? Oh, and your kids are freakin adorable!
  23. Nic G January 20, 2016 at 1:00 pm #
    I love this! My twins are 21-months old and so many things ring true! (Ummm...especially the Elmo dressed up as the butterfly. My girls go bonkers when he comes out in that get-up. "Dat! Dat! Dat!" with much pointing and waving and hysterics.)
  24. Jenny January 20, 2016 at 1:31 pm #
    I love this Bev, I think you said EXACTLY what every other twin mom is thinking!! (Including myself) I think I will pass this on to my family to give them some insight:D
  25. Lizzy January 20, 2016 at 1:53 pm #
    This is fantastic! I literally laughed out loud numerous times. My twins are 17 months, but this is just a quick summary of my life. My beautiful, messy, wonderful, chaotic life!
  26. DessertForTwo January 20, 2016 at 6:03 pm #
    So lovely! I love your babes. xo
  27. Traci L January 21, 2016 at 12:00 pm #
    Amen to all this. And is collagen powder code for pinot noir?
  28. papricannelle January 21, 2016 at 2:19 pm #
    Lovely post! I think real fun starts when they start talking, it's just better than television!
  29. Nicola O January 22, 2016 at 3:58 pm #
    I guess bayo wayas is 'baby wipes'??!!!!! My 16month old started calling bananas 'money'..... So picture this blond haired little cherub standing on the dining table with one hand on the fruit bowl yelling "Mama - I need money" - I legit spat out my coffee! He's now 2 and still says it. And 'please yes' instead of 'yes please' - I think my heart will break when he stops saying it!
  30. erin marie January 22, 2016 at 10:22 pm #
    You are just about the best person I have never met. That's all. Now between the paci searching in the dark you can rest soundly and assured, some rando on the inter webs thinks you are hilari-mo. Three is the hardest yet, so you might want to start increasing the collagen powder now. Or perhaps just start snorting it. Straight to the brain! Collagen brain seems like a good idea, no?
  31. Kate February 7, 2016 at 12:20 pm #
    Those photos of your kids are so beautiful!! How do you do it?! And I think you've got this parenting thing down! At least you've kept your sense of humor. :)
  32. Brandy February 17, 2016 at 9:42 pm #
    I just laughed and cried so hard from laughing for the last 10 minutes straight. I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long. I have an almost 2 year old and can relate to ALL of the above.

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