Friday Flotsam

fa fa fa ri ri ri da da da y y y.

And not only that, it’s a LAWNG WEEKEYEND! All the joy. All the praises. All the rosés.

Do you have big plans for your Labor Day holiday!? I need to hear them. NEED.

Our best pals from Arkansas are driving up this afternoon for a giant brewery play date/cook out. (You can expect to see an Instagram/72362 Snapchats of the babies with Iris later on. I deeply apologize in advance.)

Then tomorrow morning we’re headed to meet my entire family in Branson! Hahahah. I don’t know why I laugh. I’ve never really been to Branson, except once during the middle of the night, when I woke up thinking we were in a mini Las Vegas, but with lots of Denny’s and Andy Williams impersonators.

What’s it like?? Have you ever been? My parents rented a GIANT cabin/house thing on the lake, and I am lawk, sewww ready to get away and not think about anything for a few days.

I may need to bring Eeyore on this trip. He’s been pretty down lately.

Few fun things this week, around ze web! These were on my FB pages, but I’ll include them here, just in case you missed it.

*I am beyond honored to be featured on Foodiecrush this week! Heidi says such nice things about me. Thank you dearly, Heidi. I’ll paypal you later.

*I wrote an article about Will’s slow speech on What to Expect. I know I touched on it here a while back, but it’s been a bit, and I go in a little deeper. And it’s serious. And you might hate me. Want me to make you a cookie?

*I have new(ish) recipe on the Food Network! It’s Chicken Stir-Fry: two ways. One for the kid faces and one for the adult faces.

Wa-hoot.

Sooooo I’ve been internally debating on whether or not to bring this up here, because it’s pretty weird. And definitely disgusting. But then I was like, wait a minute, it’s me. Of course I’ll tell you.

Okay, so Natalie is obsessed with sticking her hand down her pants. WHAT IS THAT. Why does she do it? I spend half of my day saying the words, “Get your hand out of your pants. Get your HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS.” This isn’t how I envisioned my life, you guys.

I mean, I thought this would be more of a boy thing. But my GIRL? No. What. No.

For a while (yes, it’s been going on an entire WHILE) Aaron thought she might have a UTI, but she’s definitely not in pain. It can’t be that.

Then we thought she might have a mosquito bite. But there’s nothing there! Unless it’s a ghost bite. Which I’ve heard about. But I think it’s more common in like, Arabia or something.

(is this getting weird? because I still have more to say.)

I mean seriously, she just walks around with her frickin’ hand down her pants. The front, not the back. I want to barf. She looks like an old man on a crusty sofa with empty beer cans scattered around at the end of Thanksgiving day. I’ve been calling her Earle.

Moms, WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT. IS. THIS?

This next subject is definitely more tolerable to the eyes/heart/internal digestive organs.

I need help! (not that kind)

How does one fix a shoelace? This is the problem: I have a shoelace that’s pretty mangled. I feel like I need to cut off the mangled part, and make a new end – the tiny glued part. I obviously suck at shoelace lingo. Is there a little tool I need for this? What do I do? How do you make that little crimp on the end?

I’m embarrassing myself right now. Never mind.

But I still need to know.

Long weekend plans?! It’s basically faaaaaaaall! I’m so giddy for this.

Oh! (<–last exclamation point, I swear) If you know of any fun puzzle sites, please let me know. I’m unreasonably obsessed with puzzles and word games, and with a long road trip ahead, I neeeeeeed it. Hook it up, yo.

One last thing – do NOT forget about my ’90s mix I made! (<–I lied.) You absolutely need these jams to survive Labor Day weekend. This is the truth I speak.

Get yo’ weekend! (<–another lie.)