Thoughts on This Whole Being Knocked Up Business: Edition 3

Can you believe I’m nearing the end of my second trimester? I’m not even going to pretend that I know which week marks the actual transition, because when I looked online one site said 25 weeks and another said 28 weeks and another said 26 weeks and another said 26.68 and another said GET OUT OF MY FACE MY *%#&@* BACK HURTS.

So, I’ll just say, sometime kind of soon in a way I think.

I love clarity!

-1

1) Drinking Water: First of all, I should tell you, I’m a HUGE water drinker. The annoying kind. The kind that has to bring the most enormous bottle of water in my bag everywhere I go because if five minutes pass and I don’t have my water I MIGHT WITHER AWAY AND BECOME LIZARDY. Aaron used to literally send me links on articles discussing “Signs you’re drinking too water.” ” You could die from too much water.” ” Watch this video of a girl passing out from drinking too much water.” Or wait that one was vodka.

But when I got pregnatootiloo, the filtered water we have in our refrigerator totally tasted jank and disgusting and I quickly fell out of place in this world. I even replaced the water filter, but it still tasted like death and regret. So, for weeks and weeks and weeks now I’ve been buying those obnoxious gallon jugs of drinking water from the store. And they.are.everywhere. It’s embarrassing, our kitchen looks like a water factory. I have no idea where to put them all. Aaron walks in, “Ugh, more jugs? Seriously?” Me, “I AM CARRYING YOUR CHILDREN.”

And then, “Check out my jugs, yo.”

2) Burning Heart and Burning Skin, WTF: Okay, up until now I’d never experienced heartburn. People have been warning me left and right and up and down about it, but I had no idea what it would feel like or what to expect. Well let me tell you, missy. HeartBREAK is different from heartBURN. What I’ve been experiencing so far is like an army of tiny gremlins crawling up through my esophagus, stopping mid-way for a pee break and tickling the inside of my throat with 15 thousand tiny haunted demon feathers. It’s the most annoying feeling ever. I can’t cough it away. I can’t swallow it away. I would like to multiply my hands by a million, shrink them down, stick them down my throat and punch each gremlin individually in the face.

And the burning skin, sweet babies of death. The first time it happened it woke me from a deep slumber. I thought someone had dropped a curling iron on the top of my belly. A blow torch. A stick of incense. All of the 4th of Julys. But no! Apparently it’s “nerve irritation” right under my skin, due to stretching. Well I’d like to nerve irritation my fist in its face, because it be crampin’ my style.

I basically have to sleep with a cold damp towel and a block of dry ice.

-2

3) Hormones and Crying Like, All The Time: I normally don’t think of myself as a crier by nature. Okayย so maybe that’s a stretch. Or a bold-faced lie? But this one time (not at band camp) proved me silly wrong.

Aaron and I had met for a nice patio dinner date night at one of our favorite spots out on the town. I had the most wonderful black bean burger, a gorgeous salad, a few french fries and a slice of his buffalo chicken pizza. Life was beautiful. I felt full and happy and blorbalicious. We piled the remaining pizza/half burger and fries into a large to-go box, paid our bill and stood up to leave. I said to Aaron, “will you hold this box?” He took the box. We took a few steps towards the patio gate. My enormo belly leading the parade. My purse slightly bumped Aaron’s hand. The box fell. In slow motion. To the ground. Noooooo. All our food. On the ground. Noooooo. Fries flying through the air like those annoying spinning Maple helicopter leaves in the spring. My black bean burger. Covered in dirt and soot and probably Hep C.

I bawled. Right there in front of the ENTIRE restaurant, I completely lost it, held on to this light pole and buried my head into my arm and sobbed like a total freaking freakazoid freak. The restaurant gasped when they heard my heart shatter. I mean the box hit the ground. It was horrible. I got in my car and cried WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH all the way home.

I remember Aaron hugging me outside the restaurant, “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s a bummer, but that’s all it is.” Isn’t that sweet?

I hate him.

4) Now I Know How Sigourney Weaver Feels: These kicks are getting insane in the uterine membrane, folks. And I’m completely in love with it. They roll around and punch and kick and get all kung fu-y matrixy with each other. Hands down, the most bizarre, incredible feeling on the planet.

However, the moment the movements went from a light flutter to a 180 split leap triple tuck, I thought it was the end for me. The aliens had finally arrived, I’d been infected with one of their weird isopod things and they were about to break loose from the inside out and eat me alive. And there’s intense music playing in the background and I’m all sweaty and screaming.

But it was just the babies. WHEW, YOU GUYS.

My mom is terrified to read my blog like, 96% of the time.

-3

5) Fun Little Game: So this is a gas. And I don’t do it often, but the few times I have have given me the greatest joy known to date.

Rando stranger out in public, noticing my ginormo gestational growth, “Aw, congratulations!”

Me, “For what?”

a beat. their face. that one single moment where their whole world goes, “ooooooh shhhhhhhiiiii…..”

Me, “I’m totally kidding! Thank you!” And then we (I) laugh and they punch me.

p.s. Save me a seat at the bar in hell, will ya?

6) What’s in a Name: Pardon the decibel shattering squeal, but, we’ve got names! We’ve actually had one picked out since 2005, and the other since 25.63467 seconds into pregnancy. I did a little teaser on the Instagrams and a LOT of you got it right. And actually, a lot of you already knew. Because I can’t keep my trap shut. And they were printed on my shower invitations. And I tell basically everyone ever.

For the boy : William Everett Weidner. Eeeee! We’ll call him Will. No Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy. (name that song) Just Will. Will Weidner. I can just imagine some girl gawking over him in high school, “Oh my gawd did you see what Will had on today? Hawwwwt.”

Okay wait, I might not like this.

William and Everett are both family names, but I have always secretly loved Will from Oklahoma. Ya know when Ado Annie goes, “Oh, Weeee-ulll!” and hugs him? It makes me a blubbery fool.

For the girl: Natalie James Weidner. Eeeee! We’ll call her Natadoodoo. Just kidding. I think.

Natalie and James are again, both family names, but my long lasting obsession with Natalie Wood sealed the deal. Minus the whole stepping off a boat and drowning thing.

So there we have it! And in case you’re wondering, our last name is pronounced “Wide-ner.” Not “Weed-ner.” Oh gosh can you imagine?

Not that there’s anything wrong with Weedner! I’m just . . . wellย  . . . I mean . . .

Just start us a tab at the hell bar. Ugh.

-4

Okie doke, weeks 24 through 28, I’ve got my lil’ eyes on you. You know what though, if it’s okay with you I’m gonna lie down with some chocolate cupcakes and my belly wedge pillow while I watch you. But I’m watching! Ohhh I’m watching.

Edition 1

Edition 2

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55 Responses to Thoughts on This Whole Being Knocked Up Business: Edition 3

  1. Ali @ Inspiralized October 3, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    You are a stunning pregnant woman! I could only dream to be as adorable and glowing as you one day! Love your blog and love this honest post. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Jessica October 3, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    i’m so glad you told the leftovers-on-the-ground story.
    sheryl crow for life.

  3. Averie @ Averie Cooks October 3, 2013 at 8:07 am #

    Bev you’re gorgeous! And so funny and have made me totally LOL about 10 times reading this. The little trick you play on people about “For What?”…omg I can only imagine the sheer terror & mortification you induce for a second or two. I love it ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Laura (Blogging Over Thyme) October 3, 2013 at 8:08 am #

    I laughed so hard at the part about tricking strangers! Too funny. And the part where you cried at the restaurant, I totally would have done that too (and I’m not pregnant).

  5. Amy @Very Culinary October 3, 2013 at 8:25 am #

    Omg. You messin’ with strangers. Love it. Save me a seat in Hell. First time I ever experienced heartburn was during my first pregnancy, too. And I was like, “Um. This sucks.” Also? The names are perfect. And you didn’t give them some jacked up spelling. I love you.

  6. Liz @ The Lemon Bowl October 3, 2013 at 8:35 am #

    I want to spoon your baby bump. God you are so gorgeous I can’t handle it!!!

  7. Tieghan October 3, 2013 at 8:37 am #

    Once again, you just made my day! The whole food flying to the ground part is my favorite, you are too awesome! And the game part? Oh my gosh, girl your are evil and again awesome! I would never have the guts! LOL!

  8. Andrea @ Barbells and Buttercream October 3, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Too funny! When I was prego the first time (20 million years ago…or 17) I was a court reporter. I had an attorney ask me in month 8 when I was due and I just looked at him with my mouth hanging open. He nearly died for a second. Probably thought I would sue him for slander. LOL! You might also want to try riding in an elevator and grabbing your belly. Everyone will start hitting all the elevator buttons like on Elf. Fun times!

  9. Rachel Cooks October 3, 2013 at 8:53 am #

    I never messed with strangers and I totally regret it. So glad you’re taking advantage of the opportunity!

    You are gorgeous, btw. Makes me kinda sick….which reminds me of being pregnant. So glad it’s you and not me! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    xo

  10. Katie October 3, 2013 at 8:59 am #

    The names!!! Please name my baby…I just have a brain block. I can’t even come up with ONE.

    Also, when I was pregnant with Adrienne, I sobbed my eyeballs out (the gasping for air kind of crying) because a deli put tomatoes on my sandwich. I lost it. It was embarrassing then… and now, hilarious.

    Also, I loooove your belllllly.

  11. claire @ the realistic nutritionist October 3, 2013 at 9:05 am #

    awww you look so gorgeous.

  12. Shaina October 3, 2013 at 9:15 am #

    #5 is why I adore you.

  13. Anonymous October 3, 2013 at 9:18 am #

    I’ll see your crying at a restaurant and raise you crying at Disney land more times than I’d to admit. Even when my daughter met Goofy. My sweet husband didn’t really know what to foo with that.
    …until the sun comes up over Santa Monica boulevard!!

  14. Maureen October 3, 2013 at 9:19 am #

    See above.didn’t mean to be anonymous.

  15. Casey October 3, 2013 at 9:44 am #

    Awwww, love the names, love the practical jokes, hate the heartburn but love your description of it! Too funny!

  16. Cindy Martin October 3, 2013 at 9:58 am #

    Oh, your poor back! Great names and great post!

  17. cassie October 3, 2013 at 10:07 am #

    I’m so glad I got to see you last weekend. You are glowing and I’m so thrilled for you. I adore the names! xo

  18. erin October 3, 2013 at 10:48 am #

    all the best people will be sitting at that bar! you make me laugh!

  19. Ruthy @ Omeletta October 3, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    You are such a stinking cute twin-carrying mama-to-be! I love the pic of you scarfing down wontons, cute apron.
    And props to such good names! Were you a little apprehensive about telling people? We tell people the names we’ve picked out for our impending bundle of natal joy, and some are nice and enthusiastic and some give us “wtf face”.

  20. Erin @ Dinners, Dishes and Desserts October 3, 2013 at 11:09 am #

    Sometimes I wish I could be pregnant all over again just to mess with strangers and do the fun stuff I didn’t do the first time.
    You are so gosh darn cute!

  21. Marly October 3, 2013 at 11:16 am #

    You didn’t like my instagram name suggestions? Darn! Oh well. I kind of like what you picked out here too. A little. Pregnancy is the strangest condition on the planet, and also the best. I loved every minute of it…except for the parts I didn’t. Can’t wait to see those cute little ones!

  22. natalie@thesweetslife October 3, 2013 at 11:20 am #

    I’m 20 weeks pregnant so I’m loving reading these “thoughts”…and obviously positively delighted at your choice of girl name ๐Ÿ˜‰

  23. Jet October 3, 2013 at 11:26 am #

    It sounds like you have acid reflux, not heartburn. Heartburn is in your chest not your throat or esophagus , if you have heartburn you can still swallow. feel better

    • Bev Weidner October 3, 2013 at 11:33 am #

      I wondered that, too! But when I read about heartburn it listed “tightening in the throat” and “tickling” as symptoms. Like something almost stuck in there. I could still swallow, for sure! Just couldn’t swallow it away. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But you might be right! Maybe a mix of a bunch of stuff going on in there.

  24. Erin L October 3, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    Oh, the skin burning!!!! That is a special ring of hell, isn’t it? I LOVE, “For what?”!! Totally gonna do that! (Disclosure: I may not do that) You look adorable, your names are adorable AND elegant (hard to do), & I wish your esophagus better times ahead. Also, “All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun”.

  25. Megan October 3, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    Oh my goodness Bev, you crack me up. I’m almost 32 weeks preggo and can 100% relate. This preggo thing is awesome, but not for the faint of heart. It’s hard! I’m huge and constantly come home with dirty shirts around the belly area. Just hitting everything these days!

    You look amazing!

    Megan from Chasing Davies

  26. Rachel October 3, 2013 at 1:36 pm #

    These are some of my favorite posts. Ever. Not only are they hilarious, but I adore how in love you are with those babies. Beautiful, beautiful.

  27. Sommer @ ASpicyPerspective October 3, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

    So happy for you, Bev! I totally remember those wildly uncontrollable pregnancy emotions – they are VERY real! ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. Shanna October 3, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

    So I have also never experienced heartburn until baby no. 2. Rolaids Vanilla soft chews were the only thing that helped. And foot rubs if my hubby is reading ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. Amanda October 3, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

    You are so awesome!

  30. kelly @ livelovepasta.com October 3, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    LOVE reading your thoughts on being knocked up posts. So cute! ๐Ÿ™‚

  31. Evelyn October 3, 2013 at 3:38 pm #

    Holy frick, Bev. I don’t know you, and I JUST started reading your blog about a month ago or so, but I’m a fan. Like, huge effing fan. But not stalker-y. Just a fan. Your style of writing is fab, my dear! Also, you look LOVELY, all pregnant up in herrrrrr! Again, I will state: FRICK!

    My day is made when I see you’ve posted some new thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚ LOVE those names! Gorge! (That’s short for “gorgeous”, not a random spelling of “George” or something…).

    All the best from Ontario, Canada. ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. Jackie @ savoring our twenties October 3, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

    Dying. Just dye-ing. I hope my pregnancy experience is half as fabulous as this!

  33. Kiran @ KiranTarun.com October 3, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

    You are one glowing beautiful mama to be, Bev!! Love the names ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. Adrianna from A Cozy Kitchen October 4, 2013 at 11:36 am #

    HAHAH! When I one day get pregnant I’m totally going to play the game of “congratulations for what?! THE BEST. Dying laughing right now.

    And you are one pretty pregnant lady!

  35. Olivia @ Liv Lives Life October 4, 2013 at 5:17 pm #

    Those names are just wonderful!! I love them both. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I’m not pregnant, but I totally feel you on the heartburn thing. I’m even on a double dosage of medicine right now and it’s still terrible. I hope yours goes away soon, and if it doesn’t, I hope it doesn’t stick around after pregnancy!

  36. Maria G. October 5, 2013 at 11:43 am #

    You are very nice and adorable pregnant lady. I wonder how freaky cool you look on your photos. I think you give very nice example to other women that want to become pregnant. And thanks for 6 tips (pregnancy syndromes are much more than that really) now I know what Iโ€™m going to face in the future..No, just kidding)) I wish you and your babies all the best ๐Ÿ™‚

  37. Rachel @thedessertchronicles October 5, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    Just found your blog! You are adorable and had me laughing multiple times! congrats!

  38. Raechel October 6, 2013 at 9:34 am #

    I am not pregnant nor have I ever been pregnant and I’ve cried over food before. The biggest trigger is when I wake up, poor a big ol bowl of cereal and there isn’t any milk. Then I am in the fetal position bawling my eyes out wondering why life just isn’t fair. And I am not a normally emotional person. I probably would of done the same thing lol. And you look gorgeous!

  39. Rachel October 6, 2013 at 5:49 pm #

    Pregnancy hormones, they don’t end even after pregnancy! My daughter is 11 months old, and about 2 weeks after she was born I found myself watching a movie in the middle of the night and sobbing from the beginning to the end. My husband woke up and asked me what was wrong and I just said, “It’s just SO SAD. You don’t understand!!!” And cried more, haha. Just wait until you see their little faces for the first time! It’s like crying on drugs!

  40. Nutmeg Nanny October 6, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

    You are such a beautiful pregnant momma ๐Ÿ™‚ and so funny too!

  41. Natalie @ Cooking for My Kids October 7, 2013 at 6:23 am #

    I think I love you. I am named after Natalie Wood, and I am going to pretend that your baby is going to be named after me. ๐Ÿ™‚ Natalie and William. That is just perfect…just like you and your adorable belly!

    • Bev Weidner October 7, 2013 at 7:27 am #

      You’re named after Natalie Wood, too!? Ahhhh, I love it!

  42. marla October 7, 2013 at 9:29 am #

    AWESOME update post Bev. So glad to see you are thriving even through all the heartburn & crazy business. Oh do I remember that bad ass burn. SUCKS!! But you look gorgeous & you have soooo much to look forward to!

  43. dervla @ the curator October 10, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

    wow, you look wonderful. This post made me chuckle. so so true!

  44. Sini October 12, 2013 at 6:08 am #

    I LOVE your honest words, Bev! I’m not pregnant but I’m alway reading your pregnancy post with a big smile on my face.

  45. Audra | The Baker Chick October 13, 2013 at 11:56 am #

    I really needed this laugh today Bev. I wish I had the skill to write about pregnancy in such an honest and funny way.

    I hope the heartburn gets better for you. I have a mad case of “hot feet” which also warrants a cold wash cloth at night. Wah wah.

    You look so beautiful and I think we’re getting ready for 3rd trimester!! (I heard 27 weeks- wth?)

  46. Natasha of Natashaskitchen.com October 16, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

    You’re such a cute prego ๐Ÿ™‚ Awww. Congrats! You’re almost there! ๐Ÿ™‚

  47. Stephanie October 25, 2013 at 5:10 pm #

    Shut the front door! You are cracking me up. I’m 15 weeks pregnant and I wish my textbooks from nursing school had been this honest and funny. Thanks! Time for me to pee/hurl/cajole my husband into doing a chore I don’t wanna do, etc…

  48. Heather December 12, 2013 at 11:33 pm #

    Just so you know, you’re practically the funniest person ever!

  49. Sarah O. December 17, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

    I think I must be permapregnant, because any time food hits the ground I pretty much sob.

    Also, I love Natalie James. It’s bold without being in-your-face androgynous.

  50. Jess April 1, 2014 at 4:34 pm #

    Totally random comment I know, I stumbled upon your blog through another blah blah and started reading your pregnancy posts. Anyway, I had to comment because there is a book called Bill and Pete about a crocodile that I LOVED as a kid and the star of the book is named William Everett and at the end the bad guy gets chased naked (with a pic of his bare bum). I think your son would love it.

  51. davis ann August 20, 2014 at 4:53 pm #

    sometimes when i’m having a bad day, i read the story about when you cried about dropping the food. i’m still laughing.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 21 Weeks | Well of Health - October 8, 2013

    […] other news, pregnancy heartburn is nothing new. I get heartburn anyways, but I read this post from BevCooks describing heartburn, and thought it was equally accurate and […]

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