Watermelon Spritzers with Lemon and Honey

I know. Just laugh it out now and you’ll feel better.

I just figured, if I can’t beat . . . myself, join . . . myself?  Wait, that’s not it. When I figure out how it goes, I’ll get back to you.

But guess who was pleasantly surprised with the refreshing beverage of the non-adult variety? And guess who can’t wait to add the adult part back into these refreshing beverages once this blasted detox ends? And guess who wants you to make either version this weekend for your Memorial day relaxation and grilling parties so that you TOO can be refreshed beyond the lands of times and back again, times 50?

That answer would be me. I had you so tricked.

I drank almost the entire pitcher of these yesterday afternoon and evening, and when my husband walked through the door he said to me, complete with rockin’ out jiggly fingers,  “You’re BUZZED ON LIIIEEEEFFFFFF.” I asked him not to say it that way again. Ever.

But you guys, he was right.

See those bloomin’ seeds? When I BOUGHT the lemons the sign said, “seedless lemons.” Do these look like seedless lemons to you? Do I need new glasses? Actually I do and I want to discuss that with you at some point because I’ve had the same sort of black cat-eye looking glasses for y-e-a-r-s and I’m thinking of going a new route. Mine are scratched all to hayell and they actually sit crooked on my face because SOMEONE sat on them a while back. They’d still be on the sexy/nerdy side, but maybe a brown frame? Like dark brown, not freaky light brown, and maaaaybe a tiny design in them, but nothing too obnoxious and I said at some point not right now, didn’t I?

Speaking of seedless, can you believe Charlie Sheen has yet ANOTHER show coming out? I thought he was in prison or Canada or something.

Also, if you can find seedless watermelon, WORD UP. Since my melons (heheheheh) and lemons had seeds in them, after I processed it together, I strained all the liquid into a huge bowl so that it would catch any seeds and nasty pulp trying to make its way into your refreshing drink. So, you can skip this step if you find the seedless business.

Then you pour it into a large pitcher until you’re ready to consume this virginal, sinless treat that won’t send you to hell!

But don’t forget about the splash of fizzy seltzer water into it right before you proceed with the consuming.

Garnish with lemon balm or mint or vodka or rum. I WAS TALKING ABOUT THEIR LEAVES. Rum and vodka leaves. Geez.

Okay not even for a second.

Watermelon Spritzers with Lemon and Honey:

What it took for about 6 cups:

* 2.5 pounds fresh watermelon (seedless if you can get it)
* 3 lemons (seedless if you can find them), for the juice
* 2 Tbs. honey
* 1 cup chilled seltzer (more or less)
* lemon balm, for garnish (totally optional. mint is fine too!)

Place the watermelon, lemon juice and honey in a food processor. Process until smooth.

Strain into a large bowl, pressing the juice out of any seeds or pulp that remains.

Pour into a large pitcher and chill until you’re ready to drink.

Serve with a splash of seltzer and lemon balm or mint, if using.

*add alcohol, for the love.